Behind Another Wall
by murrayable
Summary: Alternative Universe where everyone goes to the same normal high school, however, this school has cabins for students without homes and abusive families to rescue them. Nagisa has been dating Asano for months now, but how will this change once Karma lives and sees how Asano truly is with Nagisa? First Asano x Nagisa then possessive! Karma x Nagisa (A lot of warnings inside)
1. Anxiety Attacks

Summary: Alternative Universe where everyone goes to the same normal high school, however, this school has cabins for students without homes and abusive families to rescue them. Nagisa has been dating Asano for months now, but how will this change once Karma lives and sees how Asano truly is with Nagisa? First Asano x Nagisa, then possessive! Karma x Nagisa (A lot of warnings inside)

 **Author's notes:**  
 **WARNINGS: Mental illness, violence, abuse, fighting, and domestic abuse. (If anymore I will mention here)**

 **A request from Shiranai Atsune. This is my second fic of these two, and I've never written about Asano Gakushū before. ;w; In this fic, he's going to abusive to Nagisa- hurtful with words and ****possibly abusive. There is probably going to be a lot of fighting/violence from these three.**

 **And there's violence in Nagisas and Karmas homes, which is why they will be boarded into the school grounds.**

 **If you would like me to add something or take something out of the plot, I would love to hear this feedback!**  
 **I'm very open to ideas or new requests.  
** **I drew my own fanart for it if you'd like to see: DA - hellyeahyummyyaoi - gallery. I'll eventually make it into the icon.**  
 **Anyway, I hope you enjoy and review!**

* * *

It was the last period of the day and Nagisa sighed... Oh, how he dreaded to do maths. He just wanted to be away from his mum already, it had been weeks since he submitted the application! Nagisa couldn't put up a front and pretend to be this smart in front of everyone, anymore.

It didn't help someone in his class **always** had the last say… His eyes glanced to the boy beside him who was Akabane Karma. Karma wasn't really paying attention anyway, the redhead was doodling over his book. The bluenette, unfortunately, shared most classes with Karma as if you were in the same tutor group it was granted your normal classes would be with them and of course, Karma was one of the brainy ones like Nagisa _should be._

But luckily his beloved Gakushū Asano could come and assist him whenever he needed it.

"Attention, attention class. This lesson we are gathering in groups of three. There are problems here we haven't cracked before, so the additional help will ease you on." And with that Nagisa could feel his face giving a smile, he felt his boyfriend's hand touch his back as everyone in the class had to find their own partners. Asano took the empty desk beside Nagisa's and pulled it to be next to him.

"Well, at least there won't be any struggles after this class!" The strawberry blonde scoffed, and put his hand in Nagisa's. These two were the talk of the school, Asano being the most popular and well, two boys had the girls squeal. Nagisa wasn't popular, to begin with, but his determination and cute looks made him stand out and before Asano knew it he began to fall head over heels for him.

Their teacher started to hand out the papers and Asano turned to look at the girls who were too nervous to come over. He smirked at that, gesturing them over and Nagisa pulls his hand to face him.

"Stop that" he joked but Asano knew he was being serious.

Asano was going to talk about how they should encourage them but a chair being pulled and scraped across the floor interrupted him. They both looked at the… **boy?** _Oh no…_ Nagisa sighed to himself thinking this was the worse.

The girls muttered amongst themselves but didn't really want to get in the way of the three. The tension in the group was so thick it could cut the air, and though Karma was popular for looks and his bad-boy personality, they knew not to get on the wrong side of him.

Karma didn't really care. He didn't want to be paired with girls and pissing these boys off may be worth his while. Plus getting kicked out of the lesson would be preferred. He snickers to himself "Something wrong, _girls_? Or cat caught your tongue?" He teased as his eyebrows wiggled.

Asano sneered in his pride because he wouldn't give the time of day to that boy and continued to look through the paper. He knew these two didn't get along, but because he was never there to witness it, Asano was rarely involved. But if he did there would be trouble.  
Nagisa thought to himself _if this was hell, he didn't want to die._ He hid his face in his lover's shoulder to ignore the boy.

Karma leant back so his chair rested against his desk behind him, he lounged out and had no intention of helping Nagisa, but instead watch and hear him struggle up close.

The strawberry blonde went on to explain the question out loud, as he knew Nagisa didn't even want to look at the paper. "So what can you tell me to start it off?"

"Well its BIDMAS, right? So that's.. um, Brackets. Indices.. uhm.." The bluenette was slowly becoming flustered in his frustration but determined he wanted to show Asano he had taught him well. "Multiplication.. um, addition and subtraction? So, therefore, we need to start with Brackets!"

"Aw~ How cute, Nagisa-chan can't even keep basic things in his head!" Karma cooed at the two boys, chewing his pencil to scribble over the work papers every now and then. He was easily finished before they were both done, apart from the last question on the back.

Asano smiled giving the boy a pat on the head for doing well. "But first you must write it down to remember it, _right?_ " Although his words were nice, there was something in his tongue that didn't sound right to Karma.  
I mean.. he didn't care about the Nagisa, but Gakushū was being patronising, which in itself annoyed Karma.

"Kawaaiiiiii~~~!" The boy squealed like a girl and chuckled at his own jokes. The couple made their own way through the paper, whispering about the questions and the answers. Bored and wanting this to be over, Karma did lean over and glance over at Nagisa's work as he noticed he had actually done the last question. He was surprised the boy nearly managed to do it. The redhead knew Nagisa struggled by the amount Asano came over and how many questions he asked the teacher every lesson, but that made it worthwhile to tease him.

He was going to ask a question about it until he heard Asano snap slightly. "But you haven't done it _**this way**_ , we talked about this. You'll lose marks if you do the equation _your way._ " Nagisa just simply nodded and crossed it out to do it again.

Asano started to explain where he went wrong compared to how he did it himself, and Nagisa scurried to write notes and do it correctly. Nagisa just understood these actions as an act of kindness and took every bit of advice on board.

Something struck in Karma, he wasn't sure what it was… Since he was sat normally, he took a glance into the blue orbs that were dazed by panic... and possibly pain? _Why would he be feeling that way?_ Karma felt his eyebrows furrow, maybe it was because of all the emotional shit from home, but Karma quickly worked it out and showed the strawberry blonde the same way Nagisa did it but corrected it where he multiplied wrong.

"There's no right way or wrong way to do maths, surely _someone as great as you_ would realise that.." Karma looked away from the two, his hands resting behind his head. And the other actually spoke up to him.  
"No one asked for your opinion, did they? I just want the best for my sweet pea, and considering I'm the top of the class here, we don't need some B-classed idiot in our way _. Do we, Nagisa?"_

The bluenette shocked at the comment, quickly buried his head on the desk, his hands over his ears. He didn't want this, not now **… It hurt.** _I already told you mum hurt me this morning. Don't make this about you... Nagisa silently thought and_ didn't even pay attention to the conflict, his mind started to slip into anxiety...

Swear words and threats were thrown back and forth. "If you hadn't noticed no-one wants you here" Asano manipulated every word to make the redhead feel like shit in the argument. If anything it made him angrier because Karma never showed emotion. Neither did he unless it came to the bluenette.

"If you're so sure of yourself, show up behind the bins. I'm so sick of listening to you speak." The math teacher came over and nearly sentenced two detentions, but Karma was already at the door sticking his middle finger up at the boy, spitting his last words.

Nagisa didn't even know what to say at this point or how to feel, he could feel his lover's fingers tracing his back to relax him. _If this would have happened at his house I could pretend this never happened. But I can't..._ His head was turning into a downwards spiral.

Unable to tell what Nagisa was thinking, his boyfriend was calming the situation with the teacher to assure himself he wouldn't get dentition. Luckily, this was his speciality: manipulating and getting what he wanted.

 _Why would he out of all people defend me? Why did he suddenly have the nerve to care? Why do I need to be shown up like that? Am I an idiot of the class? Why? Why?_ Silently the illness and his emotions started screaming at him irrationally. No one stood up to his love, neither did Nagisa because he saw the result if he did.

Their relationship was a manipulated one and a vicious circle to Nagisa. It went from softness and the kindness Asano never showed anyone, teddies and chocolates to bad grades and punishing him. If anything the poor boy gravitated towards the blonde to get the same 'affection' his mother gave him at home. Obliviously to it, he was in love of course.

However, Nagisa knocked the panic from his face and smiled to Asano once he was finished with the teacher. "Thank you, that was sweet of you, for standing up for me~!" The boy admitted, pretending this time. Though emotionally he was weak at times, he was still able to act in front of anyone. He did it for his mother, he can do it whenever for a lover.

"Well, of course, anything for you." His hand went from the boys back to run across his jaw to then caress his face gently. The entire girls from the back 'squeed' as if it was a dream come true of how cute the two were being. It was like a prince and a charming to them. Asano placed a kiss on Nagisa's cheek in response. "I know you don't like conflict, but it's okay I will sort that brute out" he reassured, hoping that'll help the situation.

However the bluenette desperately needed some fresh air, they were on the top floor so at least it's only a run down the hall. There was a good quarter of a lesson to go, and he knew the best decision was to lie for the bathroom. "As long as I don't have to watch. Y'know me!" he laughed lightly before mentioning... "Excuse me, but babe I need to go to the bathroom. Bad timing I know, but my guts like to play up!" He laughed at his immaturity. And Asano got the teacher's attention for him.

* * *

Excused for the bathroom, Nagisa made a walk past the classroom before it turned into a jog to the doors to the outside. Without knowing, he was at Karma's spot but he was hidden on the school roof.

Karma nearly laughed at the predicament as he heard someone come through the door, _no one came up here.  
_ But he was faced with the bluenette who went to sit down, deep breathing to himself.

Nagisa was easily able to hide his panic attacks and anxiety from anyone. He suffered from them severely, the 'guts' trick was masked as a way for the tutors to know he was in pain. Unfortunately, still living with his mother, _which should be changing soon_ , she didn't want to diagnose Nagisa with something she couldn't see.

I mean, not even Asano knew about this yet. He didn't want anyone to see it, he didn't want to be weak… These thoughts plagued Nagisa's illness:

 **"You're weak"  
"You can't defend against him, you can't defend yourself against anyone"  
"You're pathetic"  
"You can't achieve anything"**

In a loop it went round and round in his head, it could take at least half an hour to get through it all. This was Nagisa's first time dealing with it at school. The emotional distort of his mother shouting before he left for school, people fighting, and getting things wrong easily triggered it. He collapsed on the floor, trying to catch the fresh air. At least the air was preventing him from fainting. Nagisa was making undistinctive whispers to himself to try to calm down and stop his heart racing.

* * *

Karma noticing the strange behaviour trying to assume... Nagisa was trying to sleep…? _That was it, right?_ He furrowed his eyebrows and didn't actually want deal with this... His start and night were much the same as Nagisa, expect Karma stayed out all night and didn't sleep. But as much as he wanted to call himself a bad person and walk away, **Karma wasn't.  
**  
And his hatred was mostly based from Asano, he fucking hated the popular kids. They always had the attention of some sort and their heads were so far up their asses. I suppose if he had met Nagisa in a new light he could try and ignore that, but this kid was so like him, he hated it. The redhead could tell he had a shitty life like his own but he was trying his hardest with that stupid smile on his face. He picked on bluenette to try and shift the act, he could see how damaged he was in those crystal blue orbs. It was disgusting, and though Karma teased him to death, got very close to him and pranked him, he probably wouldn't ever hit him.

It was an ongoing battle whenever he looked eye to eye at Nagisa, and Karma knew the bluenette was obvious to why he felt this way.

But at this moment, his body was moving on its own. He could tell this was something private, something he had to suffer with by himself. Karma would hate to it admit it, but he wanted someone to do the same with him as he was for Nagisa.

With no feelings against or for the other, he ran over and looked at Nagisa. The bluenette was in a puddle of tears, he could tell he was struggling to breathe. As much as he'd like to get the great lover of his, he didn't have time. Karma got down to his level and whispered kind things to get rid of the bad, occasionally adding a  
 _"breathe"... "You're living for a reason"… "Please fucking breathe"... "You can do anything if you put your mind to it"… "Like this, do it with me"… "One two, in. One, two, out. One, two, in".  
_  
Nagisa's hand instinctively grabbed Karmas to reassure himself someone was actually there, and as time moved on he felt himself slowly drift back to reality. He sobbed silently as the thoughts were replaced with kind ones, with his eyes closed he couldn't tell who was talking to him.  
When he eventually opened his eyes, Nagisa noticed that person was gone without a trace. Though _Karma wasn't gone_ , he was hidden quickly to watch the boy get up and get himself back together again.

Nagisa didn't know what to make of it, or who that person was. He whispered "thank you" as he tidied himself up with his phone like a mirror.


	2. The Beginning Of Violence

**Authors notes:** **I hope I didn't cram too much into one chapter, I got so carried away and overly passionate about them. It heated up fast, gah. See, Karma cares already, not personally but from his past. All has been revealed to why they act certain ways! Soon, comes another twist.**

 **I hope you like the emotions in this one and it didn't turn to OCish. ;w;  
I just love to show and express different emotions in characters. I haven't written like this in awhile so please mention if I should add/leave something out.  
Thank you for the support on this one! I wasn't expecting it at all. 3**

* * *

Once he returned, the class went quicker than Nagisa expected, luckily a girl from another group joined them so they were able to race through it. Asano was well behaved due to the girl with them, although it was times like this Nagisa wondered why the Strawberry blonde chose him. He always had to sit back and watch loads of girls fawning over him.

He didn't really mind as Asano always drew his attention back to him... But the anxiety he had did cause him to hurt.

As the bluenette wasn't paying attention, his mind wandered back to how Asano confessed and how he was oblivious to it. Now thinking about it, there were multiple warnings to tell him what was happening…

* * *

 **Flashback:**

Asano had walked Nagisa back to his home after school, it was that time of year when it was getting darker after school and he didn't want to be clouded with worry for the boy.

They were discussing their ideas about art. Nagisa wanted to paint and draw still life- possibly his best friend and represent their friendship in it. The bluenette was getting flustered over it as he started to feel passionate about the subject, being emotional like the boy was the subject was able to convey his emotions well.

Asano let out a small hint without realising it… He was always careful and mindful so Nagisa felt comfortable. "Well if I was in your class, **I would happily let you draw me.."** Maybe it was the blush that did it, but he ruffled the boys tied up locks, noticing how soft they were and he smiled.

"B-but I couldn't possibly draw you... Your bone structure is difficult how it is!" If that was that wasn't a compliment, I don't know what is. Nagisa realised what he said and was about to change what he was going to say, but he was too flustered.

Asano chuckled and sent a wink at the boy, usually, their conversations had a hint like this, seeing as they had both had secret feelings for each other. Nagisa being dense about love didn't know any of this, whereas Asano being more observing knew everything.

Asano didn't drop the subject and mused "Well I'm glad out of all of the students, you would think that~" He chuckled and noticed they were a block from Nagisa's home. He didn't want this end, sure they had Monday to hang out again at lunch but that wasn't enough...

The Strawberry blonde took the bluenette's hand to pulling him to as top. He started by kissing his hand "Nagisa-kun.." The boy whispered.

If the night wasn't quiet, he wouldn't have heard the small 'eep' from the small male. "Uhm... Y'know.. Y-you don't have to use politeness in my name.." came the grumble from him.

Asano smiled knowing what he should do.. "Then if I don't have to, would you do the best thing and become my boyfriend...?" They were both blushing at this and the small male didn't know what to say. He was dumbfounded, he was about to reply but the elder responded too quickly.

"If you don't know to respond, can I please try something?' Asano was gentle in how his spoke and Nagisa felt his heart nearly jump out his chest at the request... What's the worse thing that could _happen?_ After all, he did trust him.

Not speaking, he nodded and closed his eyes at his response. Asano made the move that gave Nagisa the realisation as well. He felt hands go on his hips and their distance was closed. Nagisa opened his eyes at that point watching half lidded purple ones reaching his height. "Nagisa.." he breathed before lips were gently on his own. He kissed him so softly, but the boy _wanted more._ Asano shocked at the reaction more than obeyed and continued the kiss into a deeper one.

* * *

"Nagisa, darling" A voice suddenly called, giving the boy a poke. "Hey, sleepyhead, it's time to go!" Nagisa jolted his head up, he didn't even realise the daydream had turned into a nap. He looked very dazed at his lover beside him and then around the classroom. Everyone had already started to get up and go, they were nearly alone in the room.

"Huh... Did I fall asleep? Oops!" He muttered to himself, wiping his face to get rid of the sleepiness that was very obvious.

He heard Asano laugh "But I didn't want to wake my cutie, you muttered my name so sweetly!" and Nagisa gave the boy a light punch in response. "Hey, that _isn't_ funny!"  
He scurried to get his supplies together into his bag and looked at Asano who was just staring sweetly at him.

"So what was it about?" The strawberry blonde cooed and saw Nagisa flush, but unfortunately, he noticed how fast he was ready to go and he didn't have a chance to admire any longer. He frowned at that and thought he just _didn't have enough time with the bluenette._

"Hey, now. Why the rush? I just asked _you a question._ " As Nagisa was about to get up and go to his mothers, away from the fight that was going to happen and well, he knew if he was late home he would be **in hell** from his mother. Something was up with her recently and he didn't want to test it any further. But the tone of Asano's voice sent tingles wrongly up his spine.

 _Not now..._ _Please, not now_ _Asano._ His insides started to scream at him but thinking it was his anxiety plaguing him again he didn't want to speak up.

"Well, ha, it was the first time we kissed, and how romantic that was!" Nagisa put up a front, but only for it to be cracked into. "My mo-" He started but only to be interrupted...  
" **Was?** But we are still romantic" That harsh tone came back that the boy didn't want to hear, Nagisa didn't even look into the boy's eyes as he knew what he would see, the same eyes his father wears. His father was a very well-known and famous martial arts coach, so no wonder why it could be terrifying.

It was at this moment, the chocolate and teddies were changed into blood and menace. Asano had never laid a finger on Nagisa, but if that could change, it would for the _worse._

The strawberry blonde took the bluenette's hand to kiss it to make Nagisa feel at ease around him, but his body flinched, even if it was slightly. **Asano didn't like this** , he wanted to control Nagisa's _every_ move and _every_ bit he knew he could help him with. He wanted to perfect the boy like he was himself and show he could help him. But the control was _never this bad_ , so much for his eyes to twitch at the smaller boy.

"I love you" Asano whispered down Nagisa's ear, cooing at him back to where he liked him. As he realised no response. Asano felt a flicker of red in his head like the pent up anger had exploded. If anything it was like he blacked out for a second and he did not control the anger that had come out.

* * *

 **Nagisa's POV**

It hurt, _it hurt a lot_. It wasn't just the menacing love bite that I felt but smack on my head as if Asano was disciplining me. But like as if he was my mother, I knew I had to grin and bear it. I knew if I said _'I love you'_ it may clear the air, but I couldn't even move my mouth.

" **See, you're worthless"  
**  
The pain was coming from two different places, the blood trickling down my neck and the dazed feeling from the smack. I felt my eye tearing up, _out of everyone but why you..._

 **"He wants the best for you, and he loves you"**

"I…" But I was silenced by a crash of lips into mine.

" **If you say something, he may leave you and stop tutoring you. Imagine your parent's faces if they saw you failing."**

Although it was the wrong timing and best timing, someone came through the door, I couldn't see who it was because the tears in my eyes were blurring my vision. I hadn't even noticed I started crying harshly and without a doubt, that person had pulled my love away from me.  
I felt the anxiety so much worse when I saw who was, and what was happening. I hate conflict, _please everyone leave me alone…_

" **So pitiful Karma, who hates you has to rescue you... _isn't it?"_**

As I watched the fight that was about to be set off, I ran out the door with my belongings. I nearly fell to my knees as I tried to catch my breath and slow my heart rate. But I couldn't fall, I must pressure myself on.

I must be the man, that I know I am. If anyone saw otherwise _I would be the girl I'm forced to be..._

I have to get home. What if mum's back before me? What if she's not okay? Am I going to fail her like my lover? Am I going to disappoint everyone? Are they going to leave me?

As I continued to drag my feet as far as I could, I had to stop..  
Though I had the stamina to take 10 minutes to get home, I couldn't deal with the emotions running through my head. Everything in the last few moments had become a blur and I felt my heart racing, nearly causing myself to have another panic attack.

But I knew I had to be strong, I couldn't show my mother this. I decided to take a few shortcuts over fences, at least this seemed to calm down the tears streaming from my eyes.

I continued to count: _deep breathe through the nose, one two, deep breathe out of the mouth, one two.  
_ Once I eventually arrived, I felt I could walk again and stride along with a happy smile to greet my mum.

I came up to my house and I notice the police car outside it…

* * *

 **Karma's POV**

"What the fuck is taking that bastard so long" I mutter as I watch the students leave, I although notice the girls in that maths class come out and I run up beside them, giving my hair a slick back in an _'attractiv_ e' manner.

"Yo' girls, have you seen the whereabouts on chibi and his lover?" I deepened my voice to get the information I needed and watch the love in their responses, happy to assist me. Of course, I knew how to seep anything out of anyone. I could easily be seductive if the situation needed it.

"They're still in class, seemed they had _business_ to do" One of them nearly squeed as she said it, and I nearly death-glared at that word. _How fucking gross and ridiculous._ As much as I should have walked away, I had a chance to beat someone up for a reason. A reason that couldn't get me expelled this time.

I grinned and winked "Thanks, girls~ remind me later if I owe you a favour" I teased, knowing full well they wouldn't ask for it and I watched them walk away with a blush.

I backtracked and went into the school again to get to that damn class. What a pussy shit. I better not walk in on some gross shit. Not like I was against two men, but I sure as hell didn't want two people I disliked at it.

I tched out loud, running past all the last few students out of the building. I did take the long route, however, to check all the teachers had gone home themselves, the last thing I needed was a teacher to track me down. But thankfully, it was the weekend tomorrow and I had a free room over a shit bag that deserved it.

I always did want to punch him square in his nose to hopefully break it. Man, that would be funny to see. To see blood again, sometimes I wondered if that was a bad thing to have in my mind... _It wasn't normal..._

However, I eventually came round the last corner with my grin ear to ear. I felt myself becoming more pumped up with each stride I took. The menace of violence shook over me, oh how I fucking loved adrenaline.

I was one classroom away from the door, and I heard noises from inside. It didn't sound pleasurable ones, maybe sobs and a low angered voice… What the fuck was happening?

I decided to peer through the window, noticing the wince of pain across chibi's face. There were tears, blood, and menace for the wrong reasons in Asano's eyes…. It somehow feared and angered me to see Nagisa so broken. He wasn't acting anymore... That was twice in one day...

I without realising went full force through the door, watching blood down Nagisa's neck and his hair being pulled viciously… _That was his lover?_ I didn't have time to realise the anger that sadistically went through my veins, I went to pull Asano off the small twerp and give him a square off punch into his 'precious' face. I noticed at that moment, for some reason this wasn't Asano… And though, it wouldn't be a fair fight. I sure as hell didn't want to see someone like that cry again. I wanted to teach this guy a lesson for being a fucking idiot.

"What the fuck, you sicko?! I didn't realise you were into beating kids to make them love you" I watched Asano get more pissed off if that was possible.. and noticed the karate stance he took though he was shivering through anger.

My eyes darted quickly to meet a damaged pair of crystal blue eyes and the fear that shook over the boy. But without being able to say anything I heard footsteps rushing out the door.

"Out of all people, don't you dare, out of all of them, tell me how to teach my baby" Asano spat in which blood followed because I punched him hard enough. Rumours were true about me, I was a beast. I was the reason someone was nearly dead, and I could kill someone for the sake of it. But _at least_ I wasn't going to end up like this asshole.

I grinned in response watching an eyebrow twitch and Asano came towards me, though this kid could be trained in karate I knew with that amount of anger he couldn't lay any moves properly. It was too bitter. I watched Asano come, blocking off attacks as I threw them and as he started his own, I was able to find openings easier.

The fight didn't last long compared to the ones I'm used to being in.

Eventually, when I saw enough blood from the stuck up assholes face, I knocked his balance off and took his hair from behind him so I could throw him to the ground so he was unable to strike.

"Y'know what I suggest to you, get some fucking help and leave that kid alone" I leaned over him as I watched him defenseless, I literally spat my words in front of his face "Get up now, and I promise, you won't be able to move" I meant every single word, and I watched Asano shiver in disgust and defeat.

The purple orbs weren't even looking at me anymore, so I took my bag and set off feeling mildly chilled and better about the subject... Not only had I let off some steam, but _maybe_ I could pull that kid out of this mess.

Serves Asano right, I didn't want that shit to happen, not right underneath my nose. Though it wasn't for Nagisa, it was for my mother. What happened reflected too much on my past and how I was too young to understand why father beat us. Now able to protect her, I could stand and take the hits for her and possibly throw one back.

As I felt the smallest bit of reassurance walking out the school, I had jumped every step to reach the bottom...

I heard my phone go off in my bag, it was vibrating for a while… And I felt very confused, I took it out of my bag to see an unrecognisable number.

"Is this Akabane Karma? If so, this is the police"  
"Yes this is Karma, why would you be calling me?" I was far too shocked, that much so I stopped in my tracks outside the school and I confusingly wondered why…

Did mother call them? Did the school get involved? Did someone else know what happened in our broken 'home'? Is mother in trouble?!

 **"Akabane Karma, hello? Hello? Are you still there?"**  
I was so busy in my thoughts and worry I forgot to listen to the rest of the call.

"Yes, sorry. I'm still here, I couldn't hear for a second"

I heard the police offer clear his throat as if he was nervous. "Well your mother called in emergency about your father, unfortunately, I'm sorry to say this but your family is under a lot of debt because of him and your mother is unable to keep your home. We've separated both your mother and father, so we've contacted your school to bunk you in the cabins. If you could reach your home in the next ten minutes I can explain and reassure you how this will work."

However, I felt my legs run on their own as soon as I heard mother getting involved with the police. I was proud but very scared for my mother and I was soon in tears myself. What if something happened when I wasn't there?

"Yes sir, I will be there as soon as I can." With that, I hung up and ran as fast as I could to get to the situation.


	3. Police Officers

**Authors Notes: So damn hyped to what's happening, my poor babies with their completely opposite lives but with the same mental damages on their emotions. ;w;  
I hope this went okay seeing as I'm just guessing at what could happen in this situation! I didn't think this chapter needed anything else, I thought it was really important to have this separate for their character development. Sorry, it's very short, I'll make it up by updating it as soon as I can haha.**

 **!Also quick notice: I may be mentioning self-harm in the next few chapters!**

 **Next chapter will be about them moving in finally. ;w;**

 **Thank you for all the love on the FF, I really do love to see it! If you want me to add/take away something, please mention it to me.  
And prompts are always welcomed. :)**

* * *

 **Karmas POV**

I rushed and hurried, every so and often I found myself nearly falling. I have to make it, I have to be there to help my mother. If only I didn't leave her on her own, why wasn't I home? Usually, when things got bad, I was a sent a safe word by my mother that father didn't know about… They must have come back from their holiday earlier then because it's early than the 5th. **What happened on their holiday?  
** I tried to control my emotions as I didn't want my mother to see this.

When I arrived I noticed the two police cars outside my home, my father was cuffed inside one with a police officer. It looked like they were having a private discussion about the situation. I felt disgusted. I glanced inside but my father didn't even bat an eyelid at me. _If it was a different scenario I would have probably opened the car door to punch his lights out._

I rushed inside my old broken home to be greeted with soft brown eyes, filled with emotional distort and sorrow.

I didn't know what to say as she ran toward me with her heart on her sleeve, she was _so guilty_ like it was her own fault. I felt my own heart sink as my mother clung to me for dear life. Never did she get this bad...  
"We'll get through this, Karma we always do, just, **please… please forgive me."** My own eyes felt like they were going to tear up, but I had to stop them… I knew I had to be stronger for my mother. She deserved someone who knew everything would be alright.

"Mother, it's not your fault, _I know it isn't_ " I empathised the last words as I brushed my mother's hair in an attempt to sooth her, we hugged for a few moments before I looked over at the police officer who wanted to explain further. So I took mother's hand with me to take a seat beside her, I placed her head on my shoulder so she knew I wasn't going to leave her.

I nodded at the male to carry on. I looked into honest soft hazel eyes which reminded me of my mothers, it was affecting him also. _What a kind man… We can trust him._

"Well, as you heard Mrs Akabane here called us to stop the violent beatings, well, if we hadn't stopped him there, _she could have been dead…"_ The man breathed for a second, and this gave me enough time to hear mothers quiet cries again and I whispered reassurance:

"We'll get through this, **I swear to fuck** and father will get what he deserved _all along_ " I wiped her tears gently, and looked into her eyes to try and calm her.

"As my colleagues worked on the emergency call, I realised who this man was and what he had been doing behind the scenes, we were, unfortunately, unable to track him due to how much he was out of the country… So as the result of this man, this home is not yours... It is under his name.  
I'm just very thankful the debt will be his to pay and deal with. All I can do now is apologise and help Mrs Akabane move into a single home where she can be protected." The man looked at me as he said it, I nodded agreeing. My mother's safety needed to be above everything. _She deserved this, she's been through hell and back with me.  
_  
"However, we'll help you both move and your mother will be supported by a group, to cope and move on." As I listened, I realised mother didn't mention about me being abused. I, however, let it slide considering I couldn't even open my emotions to deal with my past. My mother knew me better than anyone if she did tell them, I would have to be put in counselling. But I was too independent to watch another person control and handle my emotions.

As I gave my mother the last cuddle, I had to smile for moral support. Though I felt my anger boiling at my father, I couldn't show it, not to her out of all people. I just hoped it was now over and hopefully the man would be jailed once and for all.

* * *

 **Nagisa's POV  
**

" **See what happens when you tell someone, you should have kept your mouth shut. She'll hate you forever now..."**

I stepped onto my porch, gulping at what was happening...

" **You're disgusting, and now everyone knows too"**

My emotions jumped like a hurricane again, I felt stiff. I was beginning to shake from the anxiety, it felt forever whilst I stood there…

 **"You won't have anyone to help you"**

My vision jolted again, it was becoming _blurry..._

 **"You really are worthless, aren't you?"**

I was crying with shouts to myself _"Stop it! Fucking stop it!"_ I put my hands over my ears to try and not to listen. I shook more violently, as I felt like I was suffocating…

 **"No one will ever love you again if she leaves"  
**  
My heart was breaking, I couldn't even tell what I was feeling anymore...  
 _Was it guilt? Was it the disappointment? Was it the fear of not being able to control everything if she didn't control me? Was it the love I wouldn't get anymore?  
_ **  
"Disgusting"**

Thankfully the policewoman came out. She was inside with my mother waiting for me to come home. I couldn't see her or hear her as the world was being sucked out of me.  
She was talking, but it sounded like white noise… The officer realised how bad things were and _how I needed help ASAP._

She touched me, making me flinch and wince. But I was snapped out of it when I felt a small hug from the woman. She was trying to calm me with a relaxed heartbeat. It was slightly working as I let go of my ears to grab hold of the woman, burying my crying face into her.  
I heard a gentle whisper:  
"Nagisa, you're going to be safe now… You don't have to talk with Miss Shiota if you don't want to but if you do _, I'm here for you. We are going to do everything together from now on..."  
_  
I still couldn't see as my tears were too harsh, I knew I was going to be moved out, but that wasn't it, I felt guilt pool in my stomach. My anxiety was screaming at me to not go, **but I had to** , I couldn't let this be. I let go of the woman and was slowly walking towards the open home.

The officer followed me inside and my mum had an expression I had never seen before. I was confused and my mum spoke before I did. My mum must have seen how I truly felt... Broken and filled with anxiety as she looked as broken as I did... Her words were a whisper as her voice had a nervous crack in it. "Nagisa, please before we separate, _say what's on your mind._ I deserve to hear it…"

I was so confused, I was unknown to this... What should I do? What should I say?  
Can I even begin to explain or understand this myself? Everything felt abnormal, and the walls felt like they were closing in on me. _This wasn't my home anymore_ , I was left defenceless as I stared at my mother.

I managed to get out in between my sobs **"I'm sorry, v-very sorry…"** as I wanted to say more I couldn't handle the pressure of the room. I felt I was being swallowed whole, alone.  
The officer put a reassuring hand on my shoulder as I continued to violently cry the emotions out of my system _. What am I supposed to do?  
_  
The woman whispered "Maybe not now, okay? _Just please, calm down_ , let's walk away and not deal with this how you are now."  
Throughout my crying, I didn't realise we were already walking to the car. As we walked out, a few police officers went in to speak to my mother.

She was talking on the drive to my fathers about what would happen. But she noticed it was falling on death ears, I was distracted and broken in pieces. The officer decided to save it for another day.


	4. The Move

**Authors Note: Am I the only one who thinks the opening 'question' fits this damn FF, and their fucking complex relationship?! ;w;**

 **I'm going nuts at what's happening in the next few chapters, be fucking prepared for the change in Karma. It's one that damn hurts. I'm barely scratching into the angst as of yet.  
Mwahaha, prepare for the worst. I am the worst.**

 **;^; Poor babies tho, are dealing with it in their own way.**

 **As always thank you for the love! I hope I don't disappoint the shit show that this fanfiction is. I'm already excited and ready to put out more chapters. I'm obsessed.**

 **Please review or give me helpful pointers. Your input is always appreciated!**

* * *

Both not knowing they were being moved into the same cabin, they were all moving in over the weekend. Karma with his mother, whereas Nagisa's stuff was being moved in by out-of-uniform police officers. Karma like usual was very curious and had to know who he was moving in with. He tried to provoke and prod the woman who was helping Nagisa closely.

"So, who am I sharing with~? Is it a boy?" the redhead cooed as if she were a high schooler.  
But unfortunately, he soon realised quickly that this way wasn't going to make this blonde talk. As Karma tried to get closer, the woman quickly got out of the way.

"I wouldn't if I was you" She nearly laughed, but being an out-of-uniform job she couldn't exactly do much. The policewoman had to act her part.

Karma followed the woman outside to the move-in truck. But kids, being kids, the pesterer got louder and more obnoxious. Even though she loved looking and dealing with kids, this one was sure _annoying and the opposite_ of the one she was currently looking after.

Rolling her eyes, she whispered to the boy "Look, if I could tell you, I would but currently, that information is anonymous and I can't. You will find out when he returns back to school"

"Returns? Is he expelled or in trouble?"

"Once again, I can't share any more information. Please leave it" She sighed and pulled the last box out of the truck.

Karma's mother coming from her own car with another box nabbed her son's ear. "You're being extremely rude, **stop that**." His mother tsked and bowed her head in respect, as she knew what was going on… Considering these cabins were for kids without homes.

"I'm sorry, he'll behave now, _won't you?"_ She side-eyes her son, who followed the bow as well. The woman couldn't help but laugh, ruffling the red hairs on Karma's head.

"Thank you"

* * *

Karma's mother was spoken to quietly by the woman outside the new home of how she had permission from the school to stay until Monday. Seeing as they still needed to find her a place and move her in also.

On Sunday, Mrs Akabane was looking around the house, cleaning.  
She admired how nice the place actually was. There was a small kitchen (big enough for two), food inside both the fridge and the freezer (the school brought the supplies for the kids boarding). They had a safety cooker, so it couldn't set a light to the house and a microwave. The kitchen led to the living room, it wasn't really a living room, just an extended kitchen with dining table, a sofa and coffee table, once again large enough for two students. The stairs ran from the front door beside the kitchen up to three rooms. The bathroom was the right side of the house which was larger than she imagined, no bath, though, only a shower. Beside the bathroom was Karmas, then the other kids the bedrooms were average size and both had basic needs inside them. A small camper bed, a wardrobe, dresser, desk, a few shelves and a chair. Their views were quite nice though as they didn't face the school, they faced the city.

Mrs Akabane was in the kitchen and frowned looking through the cabinets, noticing none of Karmas favourite foods was there. "Hey sweetie, once I get a better income, I can help by buying your favourite things, even if you can't live with me, you can still sleep around and eat meals!" The more they both spoke about it, the easier they had accepted what was happening.  
During their marriage, Karma's mother only had a small part-time job. _The man was always so controlling, she never had the chance to look into a brighter future for herself._ The two were left to rely on Karma's father. But the police were being kind as they were giving support to her fiance situation and job hunting.

Though she had lost her home, a job and her child, her optimism never stopped. Those moments were **Karma's saviour.** They were always in the back of his mind to keep him going in life.

To Karma, the weekend couldn't have gone quicker than it should have, and when his mother left, the cabin felt isolating and dark. He was used to being alone from when his parents left him to go on holiday, but somewhere _like this wasn't home._ It was too hollow, it wasn't personal. It didn't have the charms a normal place should have.

Karma always had a thing for semimetal things, he had loads of collections in his room and decided to use them to make the place seem more homely. This took him a few hours mind you, as he wanted things to be perfect. Karma had tried by putting a few posters up in the large kitchen/dining room, the kitchen cabinets had google eyes on them (which he thought was hilarious that much so, some cups and cutlery had the same thing) and the bathroom displayed different shells from different places he had explored.

The place had started to make him smile a bit more and he hoped the other person would feel the same. _Or maybe they'd add to it? Who knows?_

* * *

 **A week after his mother had left, on the following Friday:**

After a long day after school, Karma put his feet up on the small coffee table to play video games in the lounge. He had set up his large TV with all his consoles to chill out, and well, hopefully, play them with the roommate of his. Karma had turned off all the lights so his TV highlighted the entire room and so the cabin would give him more freaky scares.  
He at least wanted to _try and occupy his mind with something,_ the entire day was such a bore at school.  
If anything, Karma **didn't want to learn** , his emotions were running on nothing. He did try to seduce some girls today, that was amusing. Plus that bastard was wearing bandages over his face. _Man, that was sweet._

The boy had noticed someone missing from the classes. _The chibi..._ It was really unusual considering the boy never skipped classes or was sick. But Karma didn't really pay attention to it, it was just another person to tease at the end of the day.

Karma _was_ going to start thinking about things, but the video game had sucked him in and he was getting jump scared everywhere. The boy ended up losing track of time and before he knew it he ended up asleep on the couch.

* * *

 **Nagisa's POV**

The days with the police felt long and draining... They kept pulling my brain apart to understand me... It honestly felt like my sanity went pop.  
I felt I couldn't speak to them, but unfortunately, my emotions ran my mouth and I ended up spilling everything to a camera, to that woman, to the support and to everyone.

I was finally free from it all until Tuesdays and Fridays...

In these sessions I ended up hearing comments about my mother:  
 _She was an abuser…  
_ _Everything she did has broken me…  
_ _My mental illness is a coping mechanism to not put the blame on her but to myself…_

They told me things about anxiety and how that part isn't me. It's an _illness_ , it's _a demon.  
_  
As I felt my brain fried from the last few days, I was dropped off at the new home. Although I wasn't officially going back to school yet, the school understood the situation and had let me come to the place early.  
As I unlocked the door, I peered in the window, noticing none of the lights on. I was confused, I furrowed my eyebrows… _But it's only 8 pm, who would be sleeping? Even on a weekend?  
_  
Though, I _should_ eat. I didn't want to properly, nor did I want to meet who I was living with. The nice police officer gave me some nice snacks for doing well in my rucksack so I could snack if I wanted to...

Thankfully, the stairs were the other side of **the TV?**  
I looked at the place, noticing how I was actually living with a rich boy. _Fuck. Good start._

I felt my eyes roll to the back of my head as I quietly went up the stairs. Well, at least that person seemed to be asleep, _best not to wake them_.  
As I got to the top of the stairs, I only saw three doors. I wasn't even sure which one mine was, as the police officer forgot to mention that. I sigh and decide to push the first one I see.

Oh the bathroom, not bad. _Not the greatest,_ but surprisingly it was better than the one at mums.  
I close it afterwards and opened the next one.

I peer in the room, noticing a lot of _collectables?_ _Video games, trophies, a lot of stuff..._ As I much as I wanted to stop looking, I wanted to see what was written on the trophies to see **who** this person was.

As the saying says curiosity kills the cat, _it does_. I look further in the room and notice  "Ak-abane…. ?!"

My eyes shocked, _no fucking way... No, it couldn't be..._ I walked more inside and looked closer to double check. Not him… Anyone but him… **I'll move out...**

 _I'll get a new place, I can't live with him. I'll be bullied every day more than usual, I will be living through hell because of him._

Not realising the noise I had made, I soon heard clumping up the stairs. Thankfully I was wearing a hoodie and I pulled it up tightly over my hair so Karma wouldn't recognise me. I quickly get out the room, to pull it shut. I saw the shadow behind me and tried to deepen my voice.

"Fuck, sorry man I didn't realise that was your room! Stupid mistake, I know!" But I couldn't turn around, _not right now._

The boy didn't know it was me, as I heard Karma... _laugh? Genuinely? Was this kid lonely or something?  
_ "Look what the cat dragged in! I was wondering when someone would join me, it's been a few days at least now... right? I'm Akabane Karma, I'm pretty sure you know me!" As I saw the shadow come closer to give me a handshake, I shook my head.

"Sorry, I'm a transfer student so I wouldn't know haha. I'm not really used to these formal things… But what I do know is I really need the sleep, I'm really sorry to be a bother... It's been a long day" I somehow caught Karma off guard whilst I was talking, and I was able to quickly unlock my own door to get inside it.

I felt the boy stop me, but with my guard up, he was unable to catch me. The only thing he saw of me when I went in the room **was my eyes.**

Panicked, I wasn't even sure if my eyes would be recognisable to the boy. My heart was beating so far out my chest.

 _I was just so tired...  
_ _I was tired of everything, including this already..._

I slid down the door and decided to use my phone for my relaxing anti-anxiety music...Maybe it was because I didn't hear Karma move, maybe it was because of the tears I let go... I didn't know...

I didn't care...

I felt my body curl up into a ball against the door, I couldn't even move from here to my bed as it hurt too much.

 **Everything was just too** **much...**


	5. The damaged boy

**Author's Notes: Why do these chapters come out so long?  
I suppose I just connect really well in a chapter and bam too many words. ;w;  
**  
 **Poor confused Karma, he really does have a heart of gold. He's just mischevious, loves attention and can't speak his emotions properly. The love he'll develop unconditionally to Nagisa without knowing will be ridiculous. And Nagisa will be clueless to it all.  
** **Then again, Nagisa is so damaged and broken. I'm sorry for doing this to** **him.;^;**

 **Also, excuse him for having emo-ish music, I can imagine him listening to that type of thing. It's a way of his to deal with emotions :P**

 **Anyways, thank you for the love/support! I still don't expect it, this FF is just so depressing. God damn.**  
 **Please comment if you'd like me to add something or just a general review is awesome to see. :)**

* * *

 **Karma's POV**

I was stood there in awe, if I wasn't mistaken was that twerps eyes? **Was it?** The more I pondered, the longer I was stood there and I heard music playing… It sounded like very calming music. [ _I imagine it'd be this: Sakuzyo - After Altale]_  
But there were silent cries I could vaguely hear in the background…

 _Yeah, that was Nagisa._  
I heard it before on the roof, and then I realised what the relaxing music was for... _It was for the violent panic attacks._ As much as I could have easily broken in the door to ask questions, as much as I could have teased... _I didn't want to move._

I couldn't move. I couldn't speak.

I felt _awful._ It seemed something had broken him...

 **But what?  
** I was feeling thrown off by what even happened, and _why_ we would even be paired together.  
I was already going through hard times myself, but if Nagisa was too then I didn't want to hammer teasing him.

I sighed, staring at the door _. Guess I should probably leave that for another day._ I didn't want the boy to feel this wasn't his home, considering he was here for a reason like that.

I felt myself yawning, and realised it would probably be best to put myself to bed soon too..

* * *

 **The next day:**

I was up early due to the damn school schedule we were on, at first I started the day with breakfast and games **. No sign of him.**

Afternoon soon came along and I thought it'd be best do homework with a snack. **No sign of him.  
**  
 _Maybe if I go out? Would that solve everything? Would he feel more comfortable then?_

I decided I probably needed the fresh air too. I quickly got myself dressed and into my gym outfit. I stretched before I left and took myself out for a jog. At least the school field was around the corner.

 _When was the last time I even took care of my body?_ It seemed everything was too much of a distraction to care.

I had _'Art of Dying - You Don't Know Me_ ' blaring in my headphones whilst I worked out _. Usually, rock got me going and in a mood to do this type of thing._

As I started my press-ups I found myself singing along to the lyrics

 **"I'm a fist, I'm afraid, I'm a link in the chain  
I'm the worst of the best, but I'm in this race,  
You don't know me!"**

I bellowed the last few words to try and get myself in the mood. But I still seemed occupied, my mind kept drifting back to the kid in the room beside mine. It was taking too much of a shitty toll on me already.

"Fucking hell, why does this keep happening? I _shouldn't_ care... You're a _**fucking nuisance**_ " I shouted to myself, it pissed me off.

I didn't want these shallow feelings for the kid. Before I just wanted to break open the act myself and get emotion myself. Not see how fucking destroyed he was underneath _. That wasn't okay_. He was reminding me of my mother.

I couldn't stand it.  
I punched the floor in my frustration as _'Billy Talent – The Navy Song'_ started to play.

 **This won't fucking do, will it?**  
I had to do, or say something. Even if I left him some food outside his door, it would be enough… _Right?_

All I knew was this wasn't Nagisa. Sure, I only knew him from the bullying and observing him, but the kid was very good at acting. Not eating, moving or maybe not wanting to live _, wasn't okay._

As I jogged in my worry I ended up back to the place without even damn realising it... But something caught my eye, I pulled my headphone out of my ear to listen. _Who would be outside our door? An unwanted guest?_

They were shouting awfully loud at the boy. "Hey, Nagisa! Come on, I know you're home, I'm so damn sick of worrying. You need to say something. These texts aren't helping me or you… I really do love you, you need to have more trust in me"

 _I love you...?_ Oh, fuck, him out of all people. **Asano.**

I got closer and looked at the orange hair, but his voice was changed as he heard me coming closer. "Oh thank you, **someone, here to let me in**. I'm just so worried about my love, can you either let me in or mention something to him? _Please?"  
_  
I tsked and rolled my eyes. I didn't really want him anywhere near the house. But Nagisa's problem, not mine at all. I decide to leave the boy outside with the door open, **wrong fucking choice.**

I look on the side of the kitchen quickly, still noticing no mess, no crumbs and **no sign** the kid was even eating.

I sigh going up the stairs and I knock on kid's door. "Yo, your boyfriend's here…. Are you going to do something about that?"  
I hear a mutter behind the door. "I can't hear you, speak up… He seems impatient"

Eventually, a few steps I hear and fumbling, the drained Nagisa opens the door. _Man, he did look like the death I was worried about._

"I can't… Not right now. Just tell him to come in a few days, I'm sure it'll get better.." Nagisa didn't even have to tell me twice… _Was he even sleeping or managing to?_

There were bags underneath his eyes, the crystal blue orbs I always looked in for answers said nothing. They were dull and _he looked out of it?_

Nagisa wasn't even dressed, he wore his blue locks down which were nearly mattered from not washing them... Unfortunately whilst I looked at the boy, I hear another pair of feet come up the stairs and the front door slammed behind him.

 _Shit, the door was left open..._

As Nagisa nearly **eeped** , I heard his door slam and lock behind him. But that was enough for Asano to realise his dearest was, in fact, awake and alive. I cursed to myself.

"Oh honey, come on. We have to speak, you can't leave me on hold like this…" Asano managed to get past me, so he could talk at his door and put his ear on it.

"Look, I've been through enough recently. I need the space, I'm not in good shape right now…" I watched Asano's expression slightly change as he tried to manipulate his words to suit the bluenette's. "Please, _I love you._ "

As much as I wanted to step in and pressure him to get the fuck out of our house, I was going to... But to my own surprise, I heard chibi's footsteps come to the door to open it and let the boy in.

I shook my head, _not exactly pleased about it._  
I decided it'd be easier to sit in the living room, rather than listen through walls. That would be easier, mind you. But I wasn't exactly a protector or one to listen to other people's conversations.

* * *

 **Nagisa's POV**

Despite not sleeping, despite not eating or having the desire to live right now I went to the door for my boyfriend.

I let him in and watched Asano's eyes look around the room kind of alerted at how I was living and what I was doing to myself. But he held back, I could tell as his mouth went to open a few times to say but then not say.  
I always went to Asano's house, he never came near a room of mine. He watched me sit on my bed. "You can sit here if you like" I gestured him over.

"Much appreciated, thank you" My love sat beside me, trying to think and muster up the right words to say. Beforehand I _had_ sent him a few messages about what was going on, only the _vague responses_ , though.

I felt a sense comfort as my lover put his arm around me to test what I was feeling. But I soon found myself longing for those arms to hug me. I went to hug him closer and to smell the familiar scent I knew too well.

 **I needed this.**

And Asano could tell, as his grip was tight not wanting to let go. I felt his hand go into my untied hair which was curled and tangled down to my shoulders. He sighed and I hid my face into his neck.

 _I didn't want to cry…_ I didn't want to show it to anyone, but recently I couldn't stop crying. I felt the first few tears drip onto Asano and soon, I felt my body silently sobbing into him.

 _"Shh, shh, it's okay, I'll protect you"_ My lover soothed my back and my hair, cradling me in his arms. Asano wasn't used to this, I could tell. I rarely let him see this sensitive side of me.

It was too damaging to show.

We spent the next few minutes in silence as I continued to cry, I shook slightly during my sob as it still hurt like an open wound.  
Every time I started to cry like this I would have flashbacks to what mother did…

* * *

 **Flashback:**

"Nagisa, did you leave the fucking bath water running… **Again?** I told you, it's not okay for you to do this. Even if you _are in the next room_ " My mother turned the water off again as she came into my room whilst I was getting changed.

Never did she give me the privacy that I needed, and I felt her _frustration_ change as she saw me half naked.

I **wasn't** the girl she wanted.  
 _I_ _ **wasn't**_ _girly enough for her. It angered her_.

She looked at me through her disappointed and disgusted eyes. "Why must you fucking remind me you aren't **the precious girl I wanted**? You should just wear those pretty dresses I have gotten you, and  never get undressed. _No one wants to see that!"_ As she told me these words, she came up to me and started to pull my hair viciously as it fell from my ponytails.

I grinned to bear it "Yes mummy, I'm very sorry". _Mummy was her name inside the home as it made me sound more like a girl._ Her grip suddenly turned harder and she gave me another bruise to my naked flesh.

" **Try a little higher"** I knew if I didn't the punishment would become _a lot_ worse.

"Yes mummy, I'm sorry" I raised my voice higher to match how a girl of my age would sound as I winced in the pain I felt from her smacks.

"Much better, after the bath-time we're playing dress-up darling!" Her voice slightly changed pleasantly as she had pushed me on the floor. Mum wasn't even looking at me anymore, she was out of the room going to her wardrobe for the new dresses.

* * *

" **Hey, hey, calm down"** Asano tried to call for me as I balling loudly at the thoughts that were loudly distracting me. I was woken up from the pain in my heart. It felt like it was being constricted and clenched by my mum's grip.

I pulled away, looking at my lover with broken and damaged crystal blue orbs. My glance was looked back into purple concerned ones,

Asano had never looked so concerned before. It was comforting…

"I-I'm sorry… _I-i-it keeps happening!"_ I tried to blurt out between my cries, it was a surprise Asano even understood what I was trying to say.

"Hey, I understand… If it's getting this bad, you should try to distract yourself away from it… Not go back to it, okay?" Asano tried to reassure me, trying to think of what they could try and do to pass the time. I nodded, trying to wipe my tears away.

The strawberry blonde helped as well, laughing "They won't go away, will they? **Those silly tears!"** He tried to kiss the last ones away, which did the trick. I ended up smiling in the end, beginning to laugh.

"Well, I see you have a laptop, we could always watch funny videos on the internet? And then afterwards, we could make something to eat" Asano then pointed to the empty junk packets on the floor

"That's not really going to make you better now, _is it?"_


	6. Tension

**Author's notes: Sorry that my POV's jump around in this one, I changed it depending on the situation or who was talking.**

 **This one isn't that edited, so please excuse me if I missed something out or made a few mistakes. I have a lot of work coming up, weh.**

 **Look at the awkward cuties, there's so much damn tension in the room. x.x I'm kind of sorry, kind of not. Deal with it, aha ha ha. Karma will become sweeter as time goes on. He is a protector in his heart, bless his soul. I also fucking love it when he's sarcastic to Asano with his inside comments;w;  
**  
 **And Nagisa will keep going in and out of his bad states to good states.**

 **Thank you all for the support, if you would like me to add stuff or take stuff away please send me a message or a comment! I'm happy to take anything on board. OwO Love you all!**

* * *

 **Neutral POV**

Karma had his TV on full blast, so whatever the fuck they were doing he couldn't hear it. How Nagisa still put up with that boy. _Oh, he'd never know._ He was just thankful they weren't downstairs…

 _Oh, wait… Too late for hopes and wishes, is it?_ The redhead tsked out loud but tried to not pay any attention. His focus was on his walking dead game anyway considering he had to make important decisions in it.

The two came down the stairs, holding hands. Asano was first so he could look through the freezer and fridge as Nagisa stood there. The strawberry blonde decided on popping the bluenette on top of the unit so he could ask if the things were okay for him.

As much as Karma wanted to say something to Nagisa for his ass being on the unit, out of all the things, he couldn't. Biting his lip, he tried to remain focused on the game, trying not to gaze at the pair of idiots in his kitchen.

Nagisa, on the other hand, had decided on what they were eating which was rice with curry, so now he was trying to peer at what Karma was playing. _The Walking Dead?! But that hasn't been out for long?! He thought to himself._

The small male loved video games, but unfortunately was never allowed them, they weren't **'girly'** enough. He sighed, if only it was someone he liked.

Asano realised how much attention the redhead was getting, and didn't really like it. When Karma realised how interested Nagisa was, Asano shot at him of a look _don't you dare._ He grabbed the boys attention instead, by kissing him on the lips.  
 **"As-ano... Not now!"** The bluenette laughed, oblivious to what he was trying to do. And once again was peering at the TV.

"Never thought you were a video-game person, chibi. You can come closer, it's not like I'm going to _bite_ " Driving his attention away from the cooking, Asano was left to do the cooking, he wanted to of course but with a cutie to admire it was much nicer. He nearly grabbed his hand back but knew Nagisa was feeling fragile. Leaving it for now, the strawberry blonde sighed and watched the two interact. _When did this ever happen? Why was this happening… Was it because Nagisa wasn't in the right mind? I don't fucking like this._

Gritting his teeth he bit back the angered words.

* * *

 **Karmas POV**

"Have you not played any games like this before?" I was astonished at how Nagisa didn't know anything about games like this. He tried to read between the lines, maybe he was poor? Maybe he wasn't allowed? It dumbfounded me and I was eventually teaching someone I was _supposed to not like_ how to play the game.

"Unfortunately I can't let you play it yet as these decisions are my own to make... But I do have other games like this, I mean I did put this down here so whoever I was living with could join in as well. _I suppose I could make an exception to chibis too."_ I never said I wouldn't tease, I just wouldn't do it as much. Sarcasm just easily rolled off my tongue. I was surprised when I saw a raw expression from the boy.

His face nearly lit up instantly and I was soon greeted by excited eyes compared to the ones I had seen earlier today. **"You really really mean that?!** I've never played on new consoles before, only the old ones Sugino-kun has!"

I knew it must have made his day and I managed to smile at him. I kept an eye on the boy in the back who wasn't amused. He didn't like this that was obvious if anything it made me beam even more. To also have Asano ticked off? Ohohoho, I was going to have _a lot more_ fun.

If that wasn't enough Nagisa even offered me food with the two, I mean there was enough.

I nearly heard Asano spit in disgust. I laughed and nodded "Sounds good with me, I was going to just a take-out. I've been cooking all week, it just gets tiring after a while" I blagged it like I wasn't used to it. I didn't really want Nagisa to see too much of me or why I was here. At my old home, I was either left home alone or my mother was too distort to cook, so I ended up making her meals.

"You have _money for stuff like that too_?" Nagisa was showing a lot more than what I was expecting but I knew it must have been down to what had happened.

"Well yeah, my mother gave me savings and I believe there's talk of we get money towards supplies and shit from living here" I didn't even realise I had stopped playing my game to speak to the boy, normally. _What, was this normal? And an okay thing to do?_

Nagisa also found himself sat on the couch not stood at the side or sat on the arm of the chair, but **actually close to me.**

 **This is weird. My entire fucking day was weird.**

Nagisa glanced over at his lover to see if he was okay with the food. "Smells good, I haven't eaten properly since Thursday. Thankfully the woman was nice enough to cook for me to give me comfort" I noticed he was quick to stop and not carry on... The woman? What was he on about? It really was starting to confuse me.

Asano nearly looked shocked, I could hear him muttering to himself. _Oh, he didn't like this. At all._ I glared at what I could nearly make out "That's more than what you've told me, **he shouldn't know..."** As I was about to comment on his mumbling, the asshole just smiled at his lover.

"Yeah not long now, I would have you know I'm trained in cooking" _What wasn't he trained at?_ I nearly spat at what he was saying. What is the point you are you trying to make? _That you're better than me?_

Well, good fucking luck with that.  
I've been my lowest and I've been my highest recently, my confidence could easily knock his shitty smirk off his face.

"And I'm the president of the United States, tell us something you're not good at" I couldn't hold my tongue any longer, I felt Nagisa scowl and maybe try shift the _laughter_?

I felt myself laughing at my own joke, making the bluenette chuckle. Well, other people laughing did cause others to laugh.  
 **This moment was one I wasn't going to forget anytime soon.**

* * *

 **Nagisa's POV**

Maybe it was because my emotions were on low that I laughed, but I felt a little better about this situation. It felt nice to let go and loose myself. Maybe I could with Karma, _was that wrong?_ At this moment I thought  not for now.

When I was losing myself without thinking, I noticed Karma getting a great big case filled with games. "That's a lot _, isn't it?"_ Stating the obvious, I gazed into the case he was opening up to show.

"Well, my **parents** tried to buy my love..." I noticed the small lie behind his words as he was hesitating with the word parents. There must be something there if he was here, I mean it wasn't like Karma showed anything. He was the opposite of me.

"You'd like this game, though!" Karma started pointing at a few and I recognised a few that I had played with Sugino-kun. "Hey, I know that one! I love Mario Kart! And it's multiplayer right?"

I could feel myself become more excited, unfortunately, this was the most excitement I have had for a week, and it came out too much. I was beginning to wonder if it was too much for Karma. I tried to calm myself but luckily I was saved by my boyfriend.

"Hey dinner is ready, you can plate it yourselves. I made enough for the next few days as well _Nagisa_ , so you don't have to worry about cooking" I could slightly hear that tone of voice again and shook my bad images away so Asano couldn't see it. I hopped up and going towards my love to plate up my food.

Karma wasn't exactly moving yet, I looked and gestured him over. "No one's _gonna bite_ " Using his own method to get him over.

I watched Asano grab his food and go to sit up the table like this was normal. The two crossed past each other and the tension was noted. The boy whispered something, but I couldn't hear it...

"I'll let this slide once, **but don't let it happen again".  
** Karma began laughing at the threat, _oh how empty was that?_ He couldn't touch me, not only that if he did the school could ban him from our home. I watched the redhead line up behind me, to also get some food.

I took my plate of food to the table as well. I noticed how Karma didn't want to sit with us. _Maybe_ it wasn't he didn't want to, but that the boy _wasn't used to the company like this._

Karma grabbed his food and stood for a while awkwardly debating how to or what to do in this situation. I shut Asano up giving him a nudge as he was going to be spiteful to the boy.

"If it makes you uncomfortable, you don't have to" Unfortunately Karma being Karma was stubborn and refused for Nagisa to know what was up. He nearly scowled at me but changed it to a shrug quickly. Joining us on the table. _It seemed his defences were up..._


	7. Broken Tension

**_Authors Notes:_ I decided on making Asano angry again, I don't know how many more times he'll do it. ;w; A few without Karma around, and then maybe a proper fight with Karma, where Nagisa actually defends himself. Me thinks.**  
 **Whoop, drama. ALWays drama.**

 **I'll probably end up time skipping a lot after this chapter as it'll make more sense that way and well, it'll be more spaced out.**

 **But look Karma's character development! owo; Nagisa will get some next chapter! They'll be friendly-ish next chapter too.**

 **Thanks for the support as always, I appreciate it and love you all ^w^ As always message if someone should be taken out or I should change something, the feedback is always welcomed.**

* * *

 **Neutral POV**

Asano didn't come over for this, they ate up the table like it was normal and now they were playing video games, taking his time away from Nagisa. He didn't like video games, they were immature and you never learnt anything from it. From a very young age, he read books and was eager to learn.  
The strawberry blonde was scowling as he watched the two play on Nintendo Smash brawl. Nagisa kept trying to involve him by passing the game controller over but Asano kept refusing it.  
This got backlash from Karma every time he did and Nagisa wasn't even paying attention to the comments anymore.

He tsked and ended up doing the cleaning up. He wanted nothing to do with it.

"Asano, baby. I'm sorry we could play something else if you'd like!" As much as Asano didn't like this, he did want Nagisa to be happy even if it was from someone else. He wasn't there to be a bad guy nor to invade him having fun.

If only it wasn't that guy.

As Nagisa was looking at his boyfriend, he heard himself being defeated. "You dirty playing ass!" He landed a soft punch on Karmas arm, rolling his eyes.

But he was greeted by a ridiculous smirk that wouldn't budge. Nagisa was alerted by Asano talking though "its okay, **I've helped you a lot today and you're making good progress.** I probably should head home soon anyway, my father will be home from training and mother is the only one who knows where I am…"

* * *

 **Nagisa's POV**

 _I felt bad,_ Asano was feeling left out. I didn't want him to be that way. But I left him to clean before I followed him back upstairs.

I heard Karma say something as I ran off "Hey we could always play Mario Kart 7 once you're back!" I didn't respond, I didn't have time… There just wasn't enough time.

I quickly dashed up the stairs to be greeted by a pair of haunting purple eyes of my lover. He was playing pretend in front of company, I did have _my ifs and buts_ about this but I was greatly distracted before.

"Asano… I'm sorry, I didn't realise this would happen... But I'm actually having fun..." I grabbed my love by his shirt as he wasn't listening. Asano was too busy packing his bag. I could tell he just wanted to leave without making a fuss.

"Just speak to me please, nothing will be solved if you don't..." As I managed to get the boys attention, I noticed how hurt I had made him... Asano had a mixed expression of anger and hurt. It made my heart sink like the open wound was pouring out anxiety-filled blood. This felt much worse as I was guilty that I didn't even notice. _Oh no…_

I was slowly feeling the thoughts rush to me. But I didn't want to surrender to it, I needed to help.

"I don't know what to say... I just don't feel like me right now... **I need to leave"**  
I could tell from his gaze something was going twisted and Karma had pulled the wrong strings. In an attempt to comfort him I tried to kiss his neck where I could reach. It's not like I had the strength or energy to help. I was trying to battle my own demons… that _was enough._

I saw Asano pull away. As twisted as he looked, he didn't want to cause trouble. Not again. I watched him stumble for his last things... But I didn't want to move. **I couldn't move. I needed to help...**

" **Worthless"**

"But it can't be left again..." I watched Asano try and get past me but my body acted on its own and I started to hug the boy desperately. But unfortunately, Asano's negative energy changed to anger quite quickly.

" **You are no good to anyone"**

"Let me fucking go... _Let go..._ "Swirls of purple were changing for the worst, the shots of red were coming back.

Asano suddenly had his grip around me possessively **. I surrendered…** I was weak.

 **"So very weak"  
** _  
I could be controlled.  
I could be anyone's puppet if they desired it.  
It seemed like this was the only fate of mine._

The taller lifted me up against my bedroom wall, the door was open enough for Karma to see. It was like he wanted the redhead to come in and witness this. I felt the bang of my head into the wall, it was **violent.** I couldn't see anything, the whack had made my vision go.

 **"You're nothing, remember what your mother taught you"**

Soon enough I had a crushing pair of lips on my own. My breath was being kissed out of me, but I had to kiss back… Otherwise, it's going to become so much worse.  
Asano's grip on my body was harsh, it was digging into my bruises. I was yelling from the pain and soon enough tears were falling down my face.

 **It hurt...**

It's going to come back... The anxiety I forgot about... The tendencies to harm... The pain from my mother was back, and I was all alone…

* * *

 **Karma POV**

If the TV weren't turned on silent I **probably** wouldn't have noticed the talking. I **probably** wouldn't have cared. But I was, unfortunately, trying to set up another console for a new game.

I **probably** wouldn't have interrupted if I didn't have a good time with him... I **probably** wouldn't have done anything if I knew the boy wasn't broken.  
I **probably** would have let it happen.  
I **probably** wouldn't have acted if I didn't know what Asano was like.

 **I was on alert.**  
I felt responsible if I didn't shake these feelings away. Fucking shit… _Why would I be paranoid for that little shit? Why is this now my fucking problem?_ I winced and began pacing. If it didn't carry on, _it would be okay, right?_

Until I heard a thud against the wall... Rather than going straight up I leant my head up the stairs to listen to anything unusual and I heard it...

It hurt.

I could tell it hurt him. I could feel myself on automatic rushing up the stairs. I nearly tripped over the last step as I stomped into the mess that I was left to watch and bare. It was recanting exactly what I saw at home. My mother being strangled by my father, apart from Asano wasn't that close yet.

It fucking hurt. I uncontrollably felt myself shake, I wasn't sure if it was anger or fright for the kid. But I couldn't fucking stand this shit _any longer._ I felt my lips bleed as I biting them the entire time as I watched for a few moments.

I saw what seemed to be Asano forcing himself onto Nagisa. It wasn't the force I was shocked at it was the _bruises I noticed on his body.._. **It really got my blood boiling.** Asano took the time to even smirk at me.

" **IS THAT YOUR FUCKING DOING?!"** I didn't care how loud I was being, _I was fucking furious._

It hurt, it hurt like I was dealing with my father.

It wasn't **fucking necessary. None of this shit was.** I felt antagonising emotions inside my racing heart. My body moved on its own to punch Asano in his face away from Nagisa. The blow managed to force the asshole off Nagisa and I managed to catch the boy to put him down gently.

"I fucking spoke to you, **SPEAK BACK YOU FUCKING CUNTBAG. WAS THAT YOU?"** I got a spit of blood back at me and though Asano had a sick twisted side he wasn't stupid enough to try and play it again with me. My foot went to stand on his head, I desperately felt myself wanting to crush his fucking skull into the ground.

 **I will kill you.**

"I-I didn't fucking know they were there..." The boy tried to get himself up and away from this mess. But I didn't let him, my foot was pushing more pressure on his head. Soon Asano started cries of pain…

I felt the kid behind me pull at me to stop. He didn't say anything, I knew he couldn't say anything from the amount of pain he was in and how hard he was crying.

I sigh and kick his face one last time. "Don't you even fucking dare, say a thing" I spat in disgust, he was so fucking lucky. I felt my body shake nearly violently, it wasn't a good feeling neither. Usually, the adrenaline had kicked in by now, but this wasn't it.

Asano grabbed his bag in his frustration and left without saying a word. My focus followed the boy as he left. And my right fist went into the wall, I hit it hard enough to cause my knuckles to bleed. I was so fucking frustrated and angry.

I deep breathed to myself to try and calm my anger down as I felt my blood run down my hand.  
 **  
I had to calm down.**  
All I could hear was cries coming from Nagisa.

 _Fucking shit…_

As I looked down with anger in my eyes I was interrupted by the kid. "D-don't... Please don't look at me... Just pretend I don't exist…" What the fuck was that _supposed to mean_? After all this shit, I'm meant to stand down and pretend _nothing was going on?_  
This day was full of the weirdest fucking shit. It baffled me. It baffled me completely. Like fuck was I going to stand down at that…?

 **It's been twice. That's all it takes**.  
I know from my parents.

"I won't look, but I won't fucking pretend you don't exist. I can help, I know I'm the wrong person to say that… _But I really can_. I think I just fucking showed you I can" I tried to push the anger to the back of my mind which was really hard to do. I felt my head nearly banging with the rage I felt against Asano and my father.

I heard Nagisa's cries become louder and his insanity **almost** crack. He had turned the cries into this sick laughter, _I think it was at himself?_ I couldn't really tell. Luckily the laughter had calmed me back into the reality of what I was dealing with. I wasn't going to shoot this anger at him, what so ever.

"That's what they've all said, now look at me. I feel more **alone** and **isolated than ever.** I have fucking nothing, _I know I don't_ " The boy's laughter calmed slightly and I glanced noticing how he was looking at his empty hands. I could see how Nagisa was broken, he thought of himself as worthless. _Pathetic even. I'm pretty sure if I had no confidence I would break down the exact same way he was…_ He didn't want to be saved in how he was drowning.

As much as I didn't know what to say to reassure him, I had to tell him it was me who helped him. I hated doing shit like this. I honestly did. I only just managed to get my mother out of her mess.  
I understood that if you've been broken for long enough, you need to replace what was hurting you with something else. In Nagisa's case that was Asano and in my mother's that was not getting out of the marriage and becoming a slave. _That's what sickened me the most._

I took a moment to collect my thoughts, my rage was near enough vanishing… **Thankfully.**  
I was used to calming down quickly for my mother.

"Nagisa, I know it's not much. But I was the one at school who helped you, you were on my roof at school… You can ask anyone but that's my bit of turf" I sighed and decided to sit in the corridor between mine and his room so I wasn't tempted to look at him any longer.

I could feel the pain the boy was in, it was easily noticed in how he was crying to himself "I know you want to drown right now, I too, feel my _own boat sinking._ But I can't have you like this, who am I going to tease at school?" I lightly joked. "So even if it is playing video games or scaring your fuck off 'boyfriend' away, **can I at least try and help**? I'm sure maybe eventually you could trust me?" I sigh at that thought, _could that be possible?_  
 _That I'm able to get him to open up and that Asano can go away?_

The cries were turning into sobs, as much as I wanted Nagisa to say something he didn't. I heard him get up and do something. The footsteps were heavy like the poor kid was drained. I imagined he would be. It's been enough for one day… The boy walked past me with his towel and at least he was self-caring.

If only it was easy. If only I could figure shit out.  
 **Maybe this is fucking progress?** I couldn't exactly tell him his lover was a psychopath… _Could I?_ That had to come later when he trusted me. I just knew if I didn't rescue him, it would become a burden on my chest. I rested my head on my hand.

W _hy was this fucking happening again?_

Out of everything, it had to be domestic violence again… _Wasn't one broken home enough?_


	8. The Progress

**Authors Notes:** **[a good song to listen to is either Snail's house/Ujico - Reversible Rainscape or Snail's house/Ujico - 想い出の場所 ]**

 **So yes, progress. A friendship has nearly been made!**

 **jisfdjojgoush can't contain my feelings for Karma being this way, he's so sweet without realising. AAAAA!  
Nagisa shall be joining back to school in the next chapter and then back to the much-loved drama, kids.**

 **I had a day off so I thought I'd update sooner rather than later. A little shorter than my previous chapters! Ahah.**

 **I hope you enjoy this! I love to hear your feedback, it really reassures me that this is going well. As always love you all! OwO**

* * *

 **Nagisa's POV**

This is why I didn't like showers. They _always_ hurt. At least showers made tears seem like they weren't tears as they were blended in with the shower drops. I was used to doing this whenever mother punished me… It was an easy escape to cover how I felt.

 _Why did this constantly keep happening_? **It never seemed to stop.  
** I should probably end it with Asano soon… But to me, he feels like the _one good thing_ in my life… But then Karma has offered more than my love has recently…

I felt conflicted and stood with my face up getting the water to hit my face to clear my thoughts away. _I didn't want this to happen._ Not right now.

Before Asano came to the house, I finally felt like I had a coping mechanism, I was harming myself so **no one else had to.** It could explain why the water was stinging.

I used my inner thigh to self-harm. I didn't want anyone else to see it. It was my own secret pain to let out the bad emotions. **I needed this pain,** I wanted to feel relieved from life, from my _mother's grip, from my anxiety._

As I stood for what felt a while, I decided to clean my body and my damaged parts. My body was stained by bruises on my torso and my upper back from where my mother used to beat me. Luckily, I was prescripted a cream from the hospital appointments I've been to that should help them disappear.

They always did make me feel ugly.

I also washed my long hair, seemed it was getting much longer, half way down my back even. It needed a lot longer to be scrubbed and cleaned compared to usual. I suppose that's what I get for not caring about myself.

I did, however, bring my PJs into the bathroom with me so Karma couldn't see the mess my body was in. **I didn't let anyone see it. Not even Asano knew.** At school, I was even provided with a separate changing room for P.E.

I was ashamed and disgusted. I creamed my bruises in hope they'll disappear one day. I even managed to brush my teeth.

As I looked at myself in the mirror I realised the state I was in, no longer did I look apart of my act anymore. It seemed my body had taken a toll from these past events. I had bags underneath my eyes, my eyeballs were bloodshot, I looked almost dead and I was _possibly_ losing more weight…

Fuck.

I had spent at least an hour in the bedroom and I was greeted by golden orbs that seemed somewhat relieved to see me clean and handling self-care better. I still didn't know what to say to his request, I just nodded at the redhead and took myself into my bedroom. The only thing I did differently was I didn't shut the door behind me.

I wasn't _denying_ the request nor was I _accepting_ it.  
I felt emotionally drained again. I couldn't bear to think about it.

I saw the same eyes pop behind the door to look at me once more.

"Just don't lock it _all day_ , that's all I ask for. Even if that's all you want to do for **now** " I watched Karma get up and gently talk to me. He went back downstairs to probably play video games again and I sighed.  
Even if I didn't want to think, I couldn't stop thinking.

* * *

 **Neutral POV**

Another week went by and the two barely spoke, Karma was obviously in school and sometimes Nagisa went out for counselling or to get some fresh air.  
However the bluenette did keep his door open for the redhead, he didn't want to worry anyone else.

Occasionally he was greeted by the other's eyes and homework that was thrown into his room, occasionally Karma had written notes for him. Nagisa was surprised at how much the other took in during class. It was also easy and neat to read most of the time. He also realised it was always notes for the lessons he was struggling in the most, in like math.

On Thursday, he took Karma off guard. "Hey could... you... just please go through this part with me? It was from yesterday of what you gave me" Nagisa watched the boy scowl but, not at the request, but the going in his room… _Was he even allowed?_

The redhead was hesitant and knew the other wanted privacy at the best of times. "No, no it's okay. You can come in, _you always could have…"_ The last few words were nearly a whisper, which shocked Karma to come in closer. Well at least the room had changed, Nagisa had managed to make it like a home.

Band posters covered his walls, there were origami birds hanging up, the art of portraits he was proud of and some collectables.

"Thank you for the invite, I didn't exactly want to be that rude" Instead of sitting on the bed, Karma sat on the floor not wanting to get kicked out immediately. As much as he wanted to question this situation or how Nagisa was feeling, _he couldn't._ Over this last week, he became distant but very observant over the kid.

The bluenette understood the manners of Karma quite well now, he definitely did have them depending on who he was talking to. He got off the bed and sat beside the other getting the books, the notes and the homework out, spreading it across the floor.

"So **which** part is it?"  
Nagisa felt Karma's gaze directly on him and gulped at that feeling. He didn't want to come across as stupid and didn't admit fully. "Well, number 5 and number 6." Unfortunately, Karma saw through the plan and noticed how most of them were wrong and why.

"Oi, chibi. I see you don't get any of it, you can just say. I'll go through it all" He saw Nagisa wince in pain as if he was going to do something mean when he moved his hand to the homework. But instead of saying something awful about Asano, Karma _had_ to shake it off. This was the closest anyone had been to Nagisa in a week. If anything, the progress made him feel thankful.

The taller boy started to explain the math questions for as long as the shorter boy needed. He was more than happy to try and help. Karma was gentle in how he taught Nagisa. Any small praises were sent a long way and the redhead found himself r _uffling the blue locks to give him comfort._

They ended up spending an hour on the homework, but in the end, it made Nagisa shocked at how well he could actually conquer it. " **Whoa** , you're **really good** at explaining. I feel like I could do it myself now!" Nagisa started another extra question by himself and noticed how it took him no time at all. He smiled at Karma beside him and got a smile back.

It was then Karma decided he better leave, it's best to keep a distance than it was to be this close. It's not that it made him feel uncomfortable, but he was starting to enjoy Nagisa's company. Observing and protecting the kid was showing him a new side that he quite enjoyed.

"Well, I better g-" The redhead was about to say and realised how Nagisa didn't actually want him to leave. But rather he wanted someone to speak too. He could tell through how Nagisa hid his face by his blue bangs hiding and his hands were fidgeting to say something.

* * *

 **Nagisa's POV**

Why did I even want his attention like this? _Was I lonely?_

I was returning to school next week. I wanted to tell Karma that. _Or just maybe see how his day went?_

I fidget, noticing how Karma did want to leave… I guess you would if you didn't like someone. I open my mouth hesitant to what I wanted to say. But I was reassured as Karma relaxed on my floor, getting into a comfier position.

"O-oh yeah, that's a thing… I'm going back to school next week, so you won't have to bring me notes anymore hah. That's probably a relief, right?" I joked, trying to see how Karma might be feeling. I could never see what he was thinking and if anything, **I knew he was putting that gap between us on purpose.**

"Well, it didn't bother me in the first place. I wanted to do it anyway, ya know? Otherwise, you'd be struggling worse when you return. I kind of knew Asano wouldn't do it anyway" I could tell he hid something when he mentioned Asano, he rarely spoke about the boy if he could help it. I scowled, wanting to dig further if I was able to. I sigh.

"What's that supposed to mean?" As much as I wished Karma could show emotion, _he didn't._ I couldn't even tell from his tone of voice he had his defences up. I leant closer to the boy to try and discover anything new.

"Well. That's just rumours about him and you splitting, or that he's gonna do it. I don't pay attention to rumours as ya know _they aren't always true._ I'm sorry if that shit puts you on edge" I could now see the concern in those golden orbs. Well, _at least_ he was honest. And if anything, a week of being alone and speaking to multiple people, I could have told you we would break up.  
 **It was unhealthy.**

I had other means to deal with my pain. Despite it being dangerous.

"Tell me something I don't know" I was shot a strange look, I couldn't tell if Karma was shocked or relieved. And it left us in silence. I still was curious about the boys day though and continued to string the conversation on. He deserved kindness back to him.

"So how's school been to you?" I curiously asked. Though I knew the possible response, Karma was either bored, teasing kids, flirting with girls or being smart.  
 **The kid was everything I wasn't.**

"Boring. Same old, same old. Sometimes I wonder why I go, at least _your notes_ were worth going in for" I think Karma only just realised what he said, his eyes dart quickly away from my vision. _His face was coloured?_

Notes just for me? Was Karma on planet 9? What was in that for him? I was confused and feeling myself become flustered.

 **Did he care?**

I without thinking spoke "Just for me? U-um Karma-kun... " And I noticed how I wasn't going to get a response. I could tell he wanted to avoid it. I sigh and let the boy go if he wanted to.

" **Shit that came out didn't it?** I'm a good guy what can I say?" I noticed how Karma wanted to shrug it off like usual, he scratched the back of his head to avoid any awkwardness.

"Anyway, did you wanna play some video games?"


	9. Starting School

**Authors Notes:** **It's abit shorter than usual, sorry about that! ; I'm a bit far behind on my writing! Hopefully, I can catch up quickly so these can become longer again.**

 **But aye, look at their complex 'friendship' Pls, forgive me. They both have a lot of emotional problems that they can't become close yet.  
I haven't even explained Karma's that well yet, that should be coming soon!**

 **But yes, I think another fight is gonna happen. But Asano is gonna be an ass and involve a shit tonne of other people, his 'minions' if you'd like to call them that :P haha.**

 **I hope you enjoy, please let me know if you want to add anything or take it away. I'd love to hear some feedback! Or what you'd love to see.  
As always thank you for the love, love you all! ^w^**

* * *

 **Neutral POV**

Nagisa had not long returned back to school. That was obvious. Karma kept hearing people either talk shit or have knowledge about the two living together. They wouldn't dare talk about to his face, though, but some would occasionally come up to the bluenette to question how awful he was.

 _I don't get to shits. Why is there always drama?_ The redhead thought… Getting a little ticked off by it. _Maybe_ it was because of what they were doing to Nagisa? _Maybe_ it was because someone else knew about his life? Maybe it was because of Asano spreading rumours like a barn on fire. Either way, he didn't like it.

Now was no exception, they were in their tutor group which most made it out as a free time before the break. Karma leant back on his chair leaning it against the wall, sighing. _I don't want to hear it, it's not like Nagisa could or would ever spill secrets._ The boy grit his teeth, tsking at the annoying girls surrounding the kid.

Nagisa sighed **. He had only been here for two days now,** _why did every kid need to know everything._ Nakamura Rio trying to catch gossip with her goons. They never spoke to him, _so why react to rumours now?_ _It must be Asano's fault, considering no other kids came to their house._ Nagisa thought, annoyed at his situation.

"Yeah, but what is like living with him? I bet you're jealous of his looks and his well everything."

"Is his room clean?"

"Does he play as many games as he says he does? Is he rich?" The lot kept scrambling closer to the blue haired boy and in his panic he shook his head. He didn't want anything to do with this, it was far too much attention daunting on him.

 **Nagisa hated the attention.**

He'd only just recently stopped the anxiety from prying too much into his life, so now other kids were going to make it happen again… The bell went but unfortunately, the three were so loud they didn't hear it.

"Come on, Nagisa. We only want to hear a little gossip"

As the bluenette thought he was doomed, he felt a hand go on his shoulder.

"Yo' you've probably heard enough shit, did you want some peace on my roof?" Somehow to Nagisa, the redhead's voice had become a _comfort._ He didn't realise _when_ or _why_ but it made him smile. Those crystal blue orbs met gentle golden ones which only made the three **squeak.**

 **The three imagined the boys being in a romance.** _Another rumour to start,_ they three thought. The boys grimaced at the girls and Karma pulled him out of the crowd of three.

* * *

"Fuck I've had enough already, this _never_ happens..." By living with Karma, the blue haired boy had already managed to pick up his speaking habits _. Swearing is just one of them._ They were hanging out like everything was normal now.

"Now you know how I feel _24/7_. It isn't a fucking luxury. They're either gossipy, squeaking or trying to get your attention... I fucking _hate girls_ " The two were sat where Karma usually sat by himself which was on top of the school building. The furthest place you could be away from the civilisation. You could be who you wanted to be up here as no one could hear. That, and no one dared to come on his roof.

If they did, they were idiots.

"Hate girls? That's a lie. I bet you'd date one from our school" Nagisa teased. As strangely close but distanced they were, he somehow managed to figure out what to say and what not to say around Karma.

Karma hated talking about his emotions, **he refused to.** Nagisa had also noticed how he had no close friends so maybe he just wasn't used to it? _Or was it he hated being weak?_ Karma also disliked most people. He rarely had the time for them, unless it was for information or he had a plan in his head. Karma only did things if it benefited himself. Nagisa thought maybe by rescuing and helping him, he was saving himself also.

Nagisa knew there was something hidden in Karma, that made him so angry and despise people. But soon he realised, he probably would _never_ find out.

"Nah met them all, **fucking annoying.** But hellishly fun to tease, like _yours truly~"_ Karma stuck his tongue out, pulling his eye down. He felt Nagisa nudge him playfully and they both started laughing.

The two always ended up ruffling each other's feathers like this. If anything the private maths lesson made them closer as afterwards they started homework, cooking and playing games together. Nagisa knew he had to play his teasing games to understand him more.

Karma eventually realised when they spent more time together, he liked and enjoyed the boy. There was so much he could admire, his bravery to show emotions and the determination in his heart to stick with something.

They both realised from their time together it was too immature to stay enemies. They dropped the politeness on their names and figured it was best to be friends. Nagisa had just guessed Karma picked him because of Asano and well, Karma was lonely. Some of it, he guessed right.

As much as they were friends, Karma couldn't let the boy close. If he let him close, he'd either hurt him or become hurt or he'd learn too much. That was a thought he couldn't bear.

* * *

 **Nagisa's POV**

Fucking dammit... I was so far behind _again_ and the teachers still haven't moved me to a lower set... They said it would take at least another week to sort my grades out properly...

 _Didn't they realise the amount of pressure and anxiety it constantly puts me through? I was still trying to beat my mother at her own game even at school._

Most of the lesson I tried to stay determined to do my best, but it usually daunted me the most when the class went quiet because everyone needed to focus. I then remember how smart they were and how I wasn't.

As I fell with my head on the desk in defeat I audibly sighed.

I felt a poke on my side. I turn my head my head to my right, noticing it was Karma who did it. I looked at him questioningly, _was he gonna help me again?_ No that can't be it again? I've already had a week of him helping me… I'll probably end up pulling him behind if he does.

"I can either teach you it at home and you copy my answers now. Or I can teach you quickly" I scowl at him slightly, shaking my head. **I couldn't let him**.

I turned away from Karma, only to get another few stubborn pokes. "Nagisa, if you don't, you're going to get anxiety all day, just from this lesson… And we have several periods left" I heard him mutter… _He really did know me well,_ and he hadn't seen that much of me. I sigh again, turning to him.

"But what if you fall short? I'll be to blame" I frowned behind my arm that hid my face. But he could tell from my eyes how I felt.

"I won't fall behind, I'm already a grade above the class. I already know this stuff… It's piss easy, **take my god damn paper** " I watched Karma pass his paper over with the answers on it, once again it was neat for me to read. I could tell if I didn't take the paper Karma would become stubborn about it. As I sat up and grabbed it, it was knocked out of my hand by a student who walked past.

 _Pft, fucking typical. I was now getting bullied by another kid again… Why does this happen?_ I sigh, beginning to slump my head back on my arms, but I was distracted when I noticed familiar orange locks….

 **Asano?**

There was now a piece of paper on my desk from Asano who dropped it off. I saw Karma almost grit his teeth in the corner of my eye as he picked up his paper for me. This gave him a chance to look at the bit of paper before me.

"You don't have to go alone" I heard the whisper of reassurance, as he put the paper back on my desk.

What?  
Was he protecting me _again?_ As I looked concerned at the boy, Karma was able to look away before I could even respond. What was going through his head _sometimes?_

I decided to leave it for now, and perhaps question it another time. I take a look at the bit of paper...

 **"Karmas roof at lunch? I have to speak to you"**

* * *

Next period went by in a _flash._ I suppose it would if you felt anxiety.  
At first, I didn't notice it, as this was an interesting subject like history. Maybe it was because I knew Karma wasn't here as once class finished he gave me a pat on the back.

"You'll be good, don't think about it for now. I understand it's hard, but I got your back when you return" Even if he reassured me, it felt like nothing if he wasn't around.. I suppose that was emotional dependency calling… I sighed, catching myself think of him rather than the work.

 **Fuck.**  
This was ridiculous.

The bell went, saving me from thoughts. I gulped as I collected my belongings. The floor suddenly felt like it was _spinning…_ It felt like _motion sickness_ , as my emotions toyed with my vision.

C **an I really do this? Is he going to shout at me?**

As questions swirled in my head like a flushed loo of emotions… I was beginning to feel I couldn't breathe with the amount my anxiety asked me.  
I tried to stand up to maybe drain my mental health away.

It kept beating me every time I tried to move my feet. As the floor spun, _I felt I was being tied in a void of my emotions_. I was stuck, it was suffocating.


	10. The Meeting

**Author's Notes:** **Much loved drama is back kids~ I told you it'd be returning, and in full force here it is. I'm so mean to Nagisa still, I'm sorrryyyyyy! I can't help it ;w;**

 **Karma is still gonna be the rescuer, though! And there will be an insight to why he acts certain ways too in the next chapter too!**

 **I hope there isn't too many mistakes, I'm sorry! I've been working my butt off at work and haven't had enough time to perfect this ;w;**

 **I hope you all enjoy! I love you all. Thank you for the support and love.**

* * *

 **Karma's POV**

 _What's taking him so long?_  
As soon as the bell rang I gathered my stuff as quickly as I could. I needed to meet the kid outside the history department stairs to join him.

 **He needed the support.  
I have to be there for him.**

As I watched countless students leave past me, I couldn't help but the glimpse at my phone…

 _It's already been ten minutes?  
_ Fuck. Where is he?

Impatient I was, I decide to take myself into the history department. **Not good** , there are no signs of students around…. Seemed classes weren't delayed... He's going to be in a state, isn't he?

Shit.  
My gut was telling me all the wrong things.  
I head closer to peer into the classrooms, noticing one class had one figure standing still inside.

My gut felt right... That's him, _isn't it?_

As I waited for a little while longer for the figure to move, _they didn't…_  
Nagisa had thought about it too much... I should have kept a closer eye on him.  
I investigate it further quickly opening the door. To… **Yep, that's him**.

Fuck.  
He hasn't looked this bad in weeks… _Why would it make him this uncomfortable? Was he really that scared from Asano? Or was it the conflict, they could have?_

As I looked at his state. I noticed the way he was mumbling and trying to breathe, he was edging another panic attack… I've already seen a few now. Several times I've been woken up to him having one at night when he was trying desperately to sleep. I usually ended up protecting him and stroking his hair, making sure he could sleep. As much as I **hated** contact with people, I treated it like it was a situation with my mother.

 **I had to.**

I walked over… It's no good calling for him, that's never worked. I felt almost nervous, as I always did and decided to hug him. _Curse my hatred to peopl_ e. I wasn't used to hugging anyone else apart from my mother. I _never usually_ let them become this close.

I do, however, pull the boy into a hug.  
I **had** to help him.  
 **I wanted to…**

My arms tightly went around the small body that was trembling from his fear and anxiety. I tried to sooth his back and hair gently to try and get him back into reality, _not the dark pits of his mind._

"Sssh, shhh. You're in a safe place now, it's going to be okay… _I honestly promise_ " I whispered coos of reassurance.

"You've been doing so well, you've defeated **so many** demons. You can kick his ass _for sure._ It's okay, come on now" I try joking in there, slowly feeling the boy breath slowly against me. I could tell he was slowly coming back as his hands had made their way onto my back.

He knew I was here.  
And that would and could **be enough.**

 _We can do this._

"Breathe, one two. Out, one two. In, one two. Kick an ass here, one two. And another, one two." I repeated, feeling the tension in the boy's body relax. Reassuring me, **he was nearly there.**

"I will continue this until you're recovered Nagisa, I promise you" As much as I didn't want to mean it, I did. I couldn't help that my care was deep for the kid and finally, we were getting along like two peas in a pod. I heard him silently sob against me.

I could tell he was either **thankful** or **surprised** I was there for him. I knew Nagisa's thought pattern well now, _he hated but needed emotional support._ That's why he let his mother get away with it for years.

I sigh, feeling those arms cling onto me.  
 **He was back.**

I think as much as the boy felt shocked that I would hug him, he embraced our hug further. His face started to nuzzle into my chest for comfort.  
"Thank you" I barely hear him whisper.

 **Fuck.**  
It was those moments I forgot _who I was and who Nagisa should be to me_ _.  
It was those moments all the hassle wasn't hassling, it was completely worth it to see him human and in reality again._

I wanted to let go, seeing as he felt okay again. But I was held too tightly…

"Hey now, I told ya' I'm here for you. Now you need to settle something, I know you really don't want to but I promise shit will get better if you do" I felt the boy let go and so did I. He looked up at me as he wiped his teary eyes. Nagisa nodded showing me that bravery _I wished I had._ He was a tough cookie if he needed to be, I mean I only knew it crumbling from him living with me.

 _Who knows how long his mother tortured the poor boy for?_

"I know, let's go. Can you please wait outside the roof doors, just in case it gets that bad?" We started heading to the third-floor roof, **I wanted to say no.** I wanted to realistically be there if shit did get bad. I wanted Asano to not twist his words and not break the poor boy.

I sigh and just nod. Nagisa needed this.

* * *

 **Nagisa's POV**

I breathe calmly as I entered the roof. I have to do this. I have to bear it, I deserved to do that for Asano. As toxic as I knew the relationship had become, I still loved him and I was still attached to him. _I can't deny that._

I saw my ex-love sit on the benches beside the gates of the roof. It seemed no one else was here. That's a good sign…. _Maybe it won't be the worse._ I head closer, breathing deeply with each step.

 **Calm. Be calm.**  
It's not the worst like it could be. It could be worse.

 **Anxiety is a monster and I need to tame it.** I sigh, only a few steps away from him. _Maybe I should sit beside him?_

As a few moments passed, I noticed the silence. _It was best to sit, wasn't it?_ I pull my feet closer, not realising how hard it was to want to be beside him. I shiver, I couldn't deny that I felt scared now. The silence was daunting on me. I gulped trying to shake these feelings away...

I take a seat beside him. Not liking any of this. Another few minutes pass before I'm interrupted by his voice. It was different, **it wasn't kind.** I didn't like it...

"We're over. I get that" Asano spoke bluntly, which was out of character. I keep my glance on the gate refusing to even look at him. I didn't want to see what those eyes were showing me. I nod at what he said in a response. I didn't want him to hear _the tremor_ in my voice by speaking.

"And frankly if that's the case, I don't want to see anything between you and Karma or you and anyone. That math lesson was disgusting to bear. Otherwise..." I heard a snap of his fingers making me jolt in my seat. Two more students peer from behind the building. _How did I miss them?_

 **Fuck.  
** I'm going to get beaten up. I notice they stay out of range of the door windows obviously out of sight from Karma.

"Nagisa-chan, _please stand over there"_ I peer over at him with his finger pointing in the corner of the building. I could see the menace behind his words as those purple orbs looked at me. He was belittling me with his gaze to intimidate me.

"N-no" I tried to get out as much as _my mind regretted my decision._  
 **I didn't want it.  
I couldn't let it happen.**

My body trembled harder than before as I hid my face from him. _I couldn't match his dominance._ I even flinched as I saw his hand reach for me, grasping it around my hand to dig his nails into my wrist.

 _I knew if I didn't move, there would be blood._

I made my point by not wincing in pain. I felt like a mouse trapped in a mousetrap. They were fucking defenceless.

"Listen to what the fuck I have to say otherwise this is going to become more painful. I'm sure you don't want that, _Nagisa-chan~?_ My heartbreak will be your fucking pain" I felt Asano come closer to whisper the spiteful words down my ear, they sounded more violent being a whisper.

As I stood against everything I knew, my anxiety, my ex-boyfriend, the pain I felt more isolated than ever. I had to stand in the foreground watching my self-value grow and my existence becoming nothing to anyone.

I could see it now, I could see how these people were monsters to me.  
 **I let** them do this, **I let** them become hurt me, **I let** them have a reason to hurt me and **I accepted it.** This was **why I was nothing and why my love was nothing.**

Blanking my mind was helping me not feel the pain. As Asano barked at me, I was beginning to see and dulege in my nothingness.

 **I was empty. I was alone.**  
I could feel the blood trickle from my wrist and onto the floor.


	11. Karma's emotions

**Authours Notes:** **Oh god, my feelings for Karma in this one. ;w;  
He's beginning to realise he cares more than he shows. Poor baby, he has no idea what's going on.**

 **He's never felt like this for anyone before!**

 **Nagisa's POV may be all of next chapter, to show what he's thinking. Weeeeh.  
I think it'll be a fluffish/comfort next chapter!**

 **I hope you all enjoy like usual! Thank you for support and love, as always your feedback is so appreciated! :'3 If you have any ideas to add to this, please let me know!**

* * *

 **Karmas POV**

It wouldn't take this long... _Would it?_  
I clenched my teeth shut for what felt forever. I can't hear anything of what they were saying. I couldn't even make out what was going on as their backs were turned from me. As I watched Asano get closer, **something felt off.**

The more I waited, the more I felt on edge. I wanted to punch something.  
I was only doing this for Nagisa's sake. He needed to be alone and overcome this himself. If he didn't he'd never get over his anxiety. But that still couldn't contain my anger.  
I still was forced to bite my bark back.

I fucking hated keeping it contained. **I wasn't able to.**  
My anger and stubbornness kept me going to make me even feel something. I did have anger issues... I knew that from the way adults talked about me. But if I didn't have these negative emotions, I'm pretty sure I would be pathetically weak with friends.

I would _rely_ on someone, I would be normal but fucking _empty._  
I would be a _shitty mess on the floor._

Anger drove me into the person I wanted to be. The violence reminded me that I will continue my path of loneliness but I will forever have myself. I drive people away to assure myself I wouldn't be conquered by them.

I tsked at my mind. Maybe that's why I liked Nagisa he _knew_ my bad sides and he _was okay them_... I was finally able to help someone using my anger and my past experiences. The kid was the completely opposite to me and I liked that about him.

As I wondered in the corridor, I notice the Nagisa had _disappeared?_

 **No.**  
 **That wasn't a part of our fucking plan.**

Something is going to happen... Asano knew our plan. I decide I ain't taking it any longer. Silently I made my way in.

I knew this roof like the back of my hand. I knew how to sneak up on bastards without them knowing. I hid away from Asano's vision so I could listen to what the fuck is going on.

"Don't _defy_ me, there are _consequences_ you need to _remember_ " As the kid spoke, I hear a strange noise and then a grunt who seems to be Nagisa.

 **Is he in fucking pain?**

 _What a load of horse shit. You are the fucking worse. Getting others to do your dirty work._ I bite my tongue, finding myself become more angered. I decide to climb up the building where I usually sat to surprise the fuckers.

No one had clocked on to me being here yet. As I army crawled on the roof I hear a few more whimpers of pain, I know he didn't want to be vocal. Nagisa was straining his voice to stop it.

"If I don't hear the pain, it's going to become much worse" Asano replies to his noises. I barely hear Nagisa reply but _he does_. I lean up to pop my eyes over the roof to watch him.

" **I'm not giving in anymore"** I saw blood. His poor face is now visibly punched, it was indented with how hard they were smashing him. He had a black eye and his face was beginning to swell. But Nagisa's expression _doesn't_ tell me the pain he's in, it's telling me the  lost he's feeling.

It was an expression I hadn't seen from him before, it was a mixture of _sadness and determination._ Seemed Nagisa was beginning to feel he deserved it but didn't want to show it for **once**.

As much as I knew this is what he wanted, I couldn't contain myself as another punch was landing on his gut.

 **I'm not fucking standing for it.**

I took a stance so I could land behind the boy who held Nagisa in place. I was quick so no fucker wouldn't get away. With precision, I land so I could give a blow to the boy in his back and legs so he dropped Nagisa and he fell to his knees in pain.

The adrenaline kicked in and I felt thoughts that were **violent**. I needed to see blood to make myself _feel better_.

I needed to let the instincts of the monster out.

I smirked menacingly "Guess who's joined the blood fest and needs to see blood from you disgusting creatures" As the boy dropped, I barked and took the other boy to the wall. Picking him up by his neck, giving him a punch square in the face.

"You're fucking foul to toy with this boy. **Fucking look at him** " As the boy could only see with one eye, _he didn't even look_.

I felt my eye twitch as my eyes grew more from insanity. I was going to lose it. I was so close to either _choking him or smashing his skull repeatedly into the fucking wall._ I had to drop him to go after yet another boy who was close to leaving.

As I took a glance around I realise Asano was gone.  
 _Fucking pathetic scrum bag. He can't even deal with me._

As I grabbed the kid by his collar turning him around I punched him in his gut to be sure I would see blood. I grinned in my delight. But was unfortunately interrupted by the kid I was rescuing.

"Please stop... T-that's enough" I spit at the kid in disgust. Dropping him as they all go past me to leave. I could tell by how horse Nagisa's voice was, he felt emotionally drained. I felt my shivers of my insanity calm as I walk over to the dropped boy on the floor.

"We need to go home, it's been enough for one day" I say walking over and looking at him be broken again... I sigh. He's giving me that look again, _was I in the wrong?_ It was a mixture of disappointment and sadness.

"I'm sorry... If I could control it, I would." I try to reassure him and I lean down to his level. I still get no response...

Though he was feeling those things, **the kid looked as blank as ever.**

We had to get him patched up before we could go home, unfortunately, I wasn't able to help him in the slightest on the way home.  
The school luckily understood our situation _... I suppose I was even lucky I was able to get out of that situation._

* * *

The silence was **always** painful with Nagisa. It daunted me on me because I knew he was thinking the wrong hurtful thoughts. I knew right now, he didn't want to be saved.

 _How?_ Because the journey home was long and painful. I just wanted to pick the kid up or help him on the way home but he just slapped the help away. Something had turned like a switch on Nagisa…

I honestly couldn't pick him apart.

As I unlocked the door, I dreaded him going to his room.  
I even dreading this feeling more of how much _I did indeed care_. I stood in front of the stairs and in another chance to look at Nagisa.

"If you're not planning to speak to me, at least eat. Please" I gently tried to look into those crystal blue eyes that usually spoke to me. But they kept darting away from me, they looked different shades of broken and loneliness.

 **It honestly just hurt.**

"Nagisa, if you don't. You're only going to hurt more"

 **I nearly said me….**  
Fuck that was dangerous...

I wasn't even putting a wall up around the kid anymore, _he had broken all my defences._ I didn't feel at a safe distance from him anymore. I was showing him all my raw emotions that I kept hidden... I still wasn't spoken to.

 _What am I meant to do?_

I wasn't used to people being silent. I wasn't used to not acting calm and cautious. **I felt irrational.**

I tried stepping closer….  
 _Maybe then I would have a better chance of letting myself in his world. If he flinches or is scared, I'll stop…_


	12. Comfort

**Author's Notes:** **I'm reeeeeeeeaally sorry this isn't that long, I've been trying to focus on some helpful feedback I've received from a reader! So maybe, this makes more sense now and I'm improving. I hope so, anyway. Weh. If not, I'm sorry this is probably the best I can do. ;3; I did try.**

 **I think I do confusing things when I write in the first person, so I think I'll go back to the third person. Unless my story needs first. ;w;**

 **Anyway, my poor baby Nagisa. He just really wants to know what's going on in his own head and Karmas. He's so scared.**

 **Next chpt hopefully we'll get somewhere with their awkward friendship. It depends on Karma. He's awful with his emotions.**

 **I hope you enjoy this regardless! I love hearing your comments. As always, love you all and thanks for the support!**

* * *

 **Nagisa's POV**

 _I'm hurting…  
I'm alone…_

I feel blank, like a broken tool that has been used to scrape gum off the floor. The tool has lost its purpose, but it keeps getting remoulded to become abused again. This idea is circling my head alongside me getting beaten up. Over and over it's fuelling how worthless I feel. It's feeding the monster called anxiety and the parts of my mother I still have inside.

I don't know how I managed to get home, I suppose it's down to pure _willpower.._. I just _need_ to be away from everyone again…  
Each step I took, another deep breath is taken away from me. I must control my breathing if anything...  
 **  
I feel drained, emotionally and psychically.**

We are standing inside what feels like the house… I can only tell by how there's no chill against my new wounds from the battle. I shudder from the change of temperature.

My mind is focused on the darkness that has engulfed me. The figure in front of me is trying to speak, but I can only hear white noise… I can't even tell who the figure was anymore, I looked away noticing how the person's gaze was on me.

My dark imagination is trying to play familiar tricks on me… _Imagining it was my mother. Imagining I'm standing inside my 'home' and I'm in trouble for being late again. Like usual, my mother is coming to punish me. I can't look into those disappointed eyes... My heart is shrinking telling me this is okay. I need more punishments._

I want to move forward and escape, but I can't. My body shudders again from goosebumps, my feet feel frozen. _I feel isolated in a cage._

 _I can't disobey her._

 _My mother is coming closer to me._ I winch, expecting another hit. I feel my lungs desperate for air, as I deep breathe and close my eyes.  
I deserved it, _didn't I?_

 _I feel my body embrace the pain she'll bring me…_ My face emotionless as I'm **used** to it.

But instead…  
I feel **swirls of movement** in my darkness… _It feels much different than before?_  
I feel **lightness trying to help me escape.  
**  
This person isn't my mother…  
Am I not going to suffocate now?

My hand reaches for the familiar light. _I suddenly hear new sensations… Sensations I'm beginning to remember._

 _Warmth..?  
A heart beat…?  
Breathing…?_

My darkness is **disappearing...  
I know this person…**  
They're going to rescue me _again_ …

My darkness is beginning to vanish so I can feel reality again. I notice that we are inside the new home and I'm not at my mother's.

My walls that hold me up and make me strong just… collapse..I feel fragile against his body and tears begin to blur my vision…

 _I've had enough…  
I can't keep hold of this pain any longer…_

My body can't keep its weight up, as I collapse onto my knees. My head resting on his neck, feeling him catch me.

I feel the pain irrupt from my heart and rush throughout my body as warm salty droplets fall down my cheeks and onto him. I could barely find time to breathe as I hyper venerate into him.  
I feel my body jerk and tremor in those secure arms. My hand punching the ground in frustration.

 _Why did I let this happen?  
Why do people like to hurt me so much?_

I feel my eyes sting as time made the tears fall harder. My roar of my pain bounces off our silent house and I **clench** onto his back throughout my pain.

 _I feel terrified._

My whimpers echo in our house, showing him just how damaged I am. Choking at how violent the pain ripped through me, my hands tried to grip him harder, making him know I _really_ don't want him to leave.

I'm sick of it.  
 _I'm so isolated by not being controlled._

I want to speak, I want him to know. I want to bellow out why but my voice is caught like a lump in my throat.

"I-it f-fucking hurts..." My voice cracks, barely audible to him.  
 **  
**What am I meant to do?  
 _How can I survive?_

Karma is silent during our embrace, but I can tell he's choking back his own emotions in how hard he's keeping hold of me.

* * *

We spoke a little for the rest of the day.

Karma doesn't want me to feel alone… I can tell by how he occasionally gave me food or how he'd try small talk.  
Karma had once again pulled me out of my darkness... If anything, **Karma is my saviour.**

My counsellor had recommended I write my emotions out when it becomes too bad and then we can discuss it during our next session. So throughout the time I spent away from Karma, I continued to write about how my emotions were treating me…

" _I feel so little compared to everyone around me  
Like I am nothing like I am breathing without any no purpose  
I never had control_

 _My mother led my life, my ex-partner did…_

 _But now by trying to act selfish and have control,  
I am leaving those who care in the darkness..._

 _I am no longer the boy who was cherished and loved.  
I am no longer who I thought I was..._

 _And I don't know how to or where to find him again"  
_

* * *

It has taken me all day to figure out how I feel, I only knew this because Karma had once again popped his head through the door to give me a nudge for pizza arriving.  
I sighed, _maybe_ I should join him…

I was avoiding him all day _on purpose_ , to try and not involve him... I thought _maybe_ it's becoming a hassle for him to handle.  
It must be, _right?_

I nodded at Karma, getting up to follow the boy down the stairs. My legs are feeling stiff from sitting in one position all day. I haven't moved, now that I thought about it. I'm relying on Karma _again_ to either care or help me.  
As I came to the bottom of the stairs, I noticed how Karma had youtube up with the pizza on the coffee table.

"You don't have to join me, I understand" He exclaimed before we entered the kitchen. I understood from his eyes and his gentle expression that Karma wanted me to feel comfortable. But it looked like it was making him _nervous_.  
 **Something** had changed between us…

"No, you deserve my company" I want Karma to feel at ease. So I smiled reassuringly at Karma, waiting for him to go through. He's hesitant to say something, I can tell by how his mouth opened but then closed. Then again, judging from his eyebrows furrowing, he _wasn't expecting me_ to stay.

Regardless, we both sat on the sofa beside each other and Karma started playing his favourite YouTubers. We shared both the pizzas and started laughing at skits, games and music. We ended up watching more videos for another hour after the pizza, _forgetting the time._

I then realised how _we should probably_ speak about everything. I _need_ to clear the air, I _needed_ to understand why Karma was doing this. And as much as I didn't want to realise, _Karma was becoming dangerously close to me._

We sat watching the next video in silence as I thought about our situation.

 **I don't want this to end.**


	13. Distant, but close

**Author's Notes: Sorry for the late update, I've been trying to improve a lot. I hope it's seen here! If not, shout some advice back at me. I'd really appreciate it. c:**

 **Anyway, I feel like Karma's gonna go backwards to avoid this contact soon. It terrifies him, and I want to show that through him trying to get with girls. As if to say, I don't have these feelings for you. ;w; And during that time he spends away from Nagisa, Nagisa would end up bullied again by Asano. ;w;**

 **But y'know hopefully he figures out what those feelings are by spending time away from him.**

 **Weh, I'm mean I know.  
But Karma does have a good heart, he's just too awful to show it.**

 **Anyway, I hope you enjoy this. And if you like my idea, please let me know! I love you all and thank you so much for the support.**

* * *

Karma didn't notice the silence they shared, he was too busy admiring one of his favourite YouTubers. The YouTuber discussed a detailed theory about The Walking Dead game. He loved to binge watch these types of videos, as they made him feel more empathic for the character he'd played as. Karma would then go back into the game and consciously feel more for the character.  
Video games are Karmas saviour. That feeling to escape and breathe in another world was phenomenal to him. If anything, his passion for the other characters made him feel alive and in touch with his own emotions.

Although this video was interesting _to him_ , he wondered if it was to Nagisa. Karma glanced at the bluenette beside him and noticed how concentrated the boy seemed, but not on the video game… His eyebrows were furrowed, eyes off in the distance. Karma _knew_ that look, it was the look Nagisa did when he was in his own world. His hands were fidgeting, toying with his fingernails and thumbs like there's an invisible ball between them.

 _Should I interrupt him?_  
Karma thought it made him gulp away the nervous lump in his throat… His posture became slumped in uneasiness. Over the last few days, Nagisa had become very dependent on him and though he kept thinking it was his mother, _it was completely different...  
_ He loved his mother unconditionally. She deserved safety and she needed his reassurance. They were family.

Whereas, those feelings he felt for Nagisa had developed into an _unknown connection._ It felt like a strange sensation pooling in his heart and it was **uncontrollable.** Whenever he grasped onto that emotion, it spiralled into mysterious light in his stomach. He definitely couldn't stop it now.

 _Well, it wasn't that, Karma didn't want to._

As the redhead tried to focus on those feelings, he didn't realise Nagisa was talking. He felt a gentle nudge in his hip, making him snap back into reality.  
"Huh?" Karma questioned, confused as to why.

"Sorry to interrupt you, I didn't mean to make you... um, shocked" the blue haired boy said ignoring how Karma seemed out of it. Karma watched Nagisa take a deep breath, almost ready to brace something. He easily recognised how hesitant he was with how gentle the voice spoke.

"Karma, we need to speak about what's been happening" Nagisa went on. His hands constantly rubbing his fingers out of nervousness. Eyes jolting to and from Karma's concerned ones. He wanted to be as genuine as possible, despite how his guts were tumbling over each other from the tension.

Karma kept his eyes drawn on blue ones, giving a scowl instantly against the subject. Though he could tell Nagisa was being mindful, it unintentionally put him on edge… Karma had built too many walls around himself... They forced him to divert away from the question.

"What's happening…? If I knew myself, I would have an answer…. It's all shitting new to me… _Kind of… I fucking guess_ " The last words became a whisper like he'd just seen a ghost.  
His mind began a confliction between confusion and being scared, it tore over his mind like a whirlwind. Karma hated the thought of being open with his emotions, he refused to even for his mother. Karma leant back on the sofa, to tear his gaze away from Nagisa's.

His brow furrowed in his frustration, almost twitching in annoyance. But Karma held back his defences by biting his lip. He didn't want to lash out at Nagisa, **it was a perfectly reasonable question**. But for once, his brain couldn't crack the answer. His hand tried to massage his head in comfort.

Nagisa keeps the silence between them, he knew Karma needed it to think. By observing his friend, he saw the battle in Karma's eyes against the frustration. It almost made him look defenceless. But Nagisa knew they were so far apart from each other that he understood _nothing._

He knew _nothing_ about this boys ambitions, he knew _nothing_ of his past and more so he knew _nothing_ about his emotions.

 **That feeling was one of the reasons** why Nagisa had to understand.  
Whenever an episode began, it felt like he was drowning in a sea of emotion during a storm of distort. Lighting and wind had broken into his sanity.  
But then Karma became the light and calmness that stopped him from drowning. Although he was constantly being saved, Karma never brought raft because he never wanted to stay.

Nagisa desired Karma to either **be close** or **keep away** , not throw these cruel messages and then disappear.

The YouTube video had stopped, that was more obvious to Nagisa because now he could hear their breaths in the silence.  
 _  
Time became slow…_  
The more he watched, the more Nagisa felt daggers jab into his heart. Karma was now showing isolation like the unknowing was sucking the life out of him. His hand grasped onto his shirt as if to tell his heart to stop hurting. Nagisa knew it must be hard on him. Karma was direct with everything but his emotions.

 _It hurt him…_ and by watching him in the foreground _it also hurt_ Nagisa.  
He knew he couldn't let this happen any further… If anything, knowing it was hurting Karma made Nagisa feel more scared. Instead, his arm leant out to stroke Karma's straining hand on his chest.

"I'm sorry… I understand it's difficult… You don't have to right now, okay?" Nagisa's voice barely spoke, he didn't want to force this... So instead, he shuffled along their small sofa creaks added in their silence, it was painfully obvious he was going to embrace Karma. _Maybe_ it was to make the silence comfortable, _maybe_ it was to reassure him. All Nagisa knew was everything seemed to feel better when they were _closer._

Karma doesn't react to the shuffling, he felt the same way. Golden orbs watched Nagisa's hand dance from his own hand towards his stomach to rest on his hip. Fingertips gently continue those pitter patter motions and strokes. He also felt soft strands of hair brush into his face as Nagisa rested on his shoulder…

 _That smell…  
_ As soon as Nagisa's head was closer, he was able to get a whiff of mint and Nagisa's scent... It was calming like this boy was his light as well and it made those dark emotions disappear. It was so comforting almost like a baby and their mother, it was meant to be. Karma automatically rested his head on top of those locks, immediately noticing how soft they were.

Their embrace made Karma very wary of Nagisa's calm breathing _, in… pause, out…. Pause, in…. pause_. They went along with the heart he could feel beating with his own...

 _When did Nagisa become such a comfort?_  
It smoothed him into joining their breaths together and relax into the aroma of Nagisa that shifted in the air.

Karma decided on playing relaxing music (in love with a ghost - I thought we were lovers w/ basil) for the gentle mood. His music taste had become more open due to Nagisa, Nagisa preferred music that either motivated him or chilled him out.

Though they are close at the best of times, **he still wasn't used to it**.  
 _What was he meant to do? Hold Nagisa? Play with his hair? Put his arm around him?_

It confused the inexperienced redhead, so rather than experiment he shifted into a position to get comfy. Then he noticed that though he had moved Nagisa's hand didn't.

Was it almost cuddling him?  
 _Was that what they were doing?_

If anything, that thought made Karma embarrassed. His heart felt like it was jumping star jumps at that feeling…

 _What the fuck is this?_  
 _Fuck. What do I do?  
_ The more Karma thought, the more he felt heat bouncing off his cheeks from shyness. He felt light butterflies dance in his stomach and Nagisa's touch felt _more_ satisfying. Although it wasn't unpleasant, the unknown thoughts were causing him to scowl in frustration.

An accidental sigh came out of him, almost like he gave Nagisa a hint.  
"Shit" Karma cursed in annoyance, immediately he tore his face to look the other way. **In hell, would he let Nagisa see that from him.**

"What is it?" Nagisa felt his curiosity peek, confused at what Karma could be feeling. It was hard enough to pick at his expressions, _let alone guess what he felt._ He tried to peer around at his face, maybe to see something. But unfortunately, Karma seemed desperate to hide how he felt.

"T-this… What is this? **What the fuck am I meant to do?** " Karma tried his damn hardest to hide the embarrassment by purposely making his voice deeper so Nagisa wouldn't know. _As if that was going to work…_ Then again, asking that **probably** wasn't the best question. He heard Nagisa hold back laughter and as a giggle escaped him. Not only that, but Karma could feel Nagisa's body giggle from what he wanted to let out. Karma couldn't help but tsk as he felt more flustered.

"Shit… Sorry… I just wasn't expecting you to say something like that" Nagisa tried to excuse himself for the laughter. Now thinking about it, Nagisa had never known Karma to beat around the bush. This _at least_ made Karma look at him, Karma's eyebrows were furrowed unimpressed but there was a hint of colour in his cheeks. He honestly couldn't help but smile, it made him happy that no one else had seen this from him before.

" _I'm being serious_ … c-can you explain it?" Karma's voice was as serious as it was embarrassing, so rather than putting him through more, Nagisa placed his head back on his shoulder. His other hand going in front of Karma's vision to brush those red velvet locks. T _hey were surprisingly soft_ like recently washed sheets, but regardless he carried on.

"It's just a hug, Karma. It can be friendly... Well, it could be anything you want it to be. I've never been asked to explain it before so I guess you could do what I'm doing and have your arm around me? Or I dunno, we could change it into a proper hug? Have you r _eally not done this before?_ " Nagisas hand fell from those red locks once he asked that question, Karma must have had a girlfriend before or someone… **right?** It baffled his mind if he hadn't as Karma was everything he _wasn't._ Karma had the looks, the bad boy charms, the grades and he even knew how to talk to girls…  
Just everything that he wasn't, _but admired._

"No, I guess not... I usually avoid unnecessary contact" Karma tried to scoff out of his embarrassment. Hiding the fact that yes, he hadn't had a proper girlfriend before.  
Nagisa had been the only one who'd wormed the most hugs out of him.

He sighed to himself and felt like it was probably a stupid thing to ask. Karma wanted to avoid any other questions so he took the boys advice and decided to wrap his arm around Nagisa's side.


	14. Realisation

**Author's Notes:** **Sorry about the long delay and how short it is, I wanted it to be a hellishly punchy chapter about Nagisa realising what he felt.**

 **Next chpt will involve Nagisa/Asano and Karma/mysterious girl, they'll probably bump into each other. Which is gonna be painful for both of them.**

 **Any ideas on what the plan should be from Asano for Nagisa? Idk, I was gonna make it so Asano masks the danger and doesn't tell him, he plays pretend until he doesn't get what he wants.  
And Nagisa goes along with it- as long as he ****has someone he doesn't mind what they do ;w;**

 **Hope you all enjoy regardless! As always love you all, and thank you for sticking with this still! :)**

* * *

 **The following Friday:**

A few days passed since their incident on the couch and it felt like it happened months ago by how the two became distant. Well, it wasn't _they,_ it was Karma. Nagisa had noticed a change in Karma, he'd only spend time with him at dinner, no longer did Karma acknowledge Nagisa's presence at school or in their home. He'd much rather spend the time on video games or out of their home.

It made him wonder why, _it didn't feel right_. But he wasn't going to confront him again, last time he tried that it went tits up. So here he was, curiously following him around at lunch. _Something was different_ , Karma wasn't isolating himself on his roof. He was actually interacting with people, _especially_ girls…It confused him, Nagisa knew how Karma felt about people. He didn't like them or have time for them. S _o why would he be forcing himself to be social if he didn't like to?_ He hid behind a wall out of sight silently as he overheard their conversation.

"So about that date, are you free tomorrow?" Karma spoke, but it sounded **genuine** … It sounded like he actually meant it. He wasn't doing it for information or minacious reasons. Karma even had a sheepish laugh afterwards.

It was the laugh that made Nagisa's stomach drop. It felt like the past when Asano flirted with other girls. Karma never showed this to anyone… Nagisa was the first and it made him feel grateful. His brow furrowed, sweat collecting on his forehead.  
The anxious feeling surrounded his stomach, it frustrated him… _Why would he be feeling this way? Why was he so concerned about Karma?_ Nagisa knew what they gained weren't anything special, it was just a friendship _… right?_

 **It was something that could be easily thrown away by Karma like it was nothing.**

As the darkness began to cloud his mind, he heard the girl respond. It was timid and quiet. "W-well yeah, anything for you Karma" Though he couldn't recognise who it was, it did confirm Karma had found himself a _girlfriend_ … They weren't using formalities on the ends of their names... _It's someone to replace him with..._

He hid his face with his shaken hands as he felt so stupid for feeling this way. **He had no right to, Karma could do what he wanted...** Nagisa heard the voices become fainter as the two walked away together, their footsteps mimicking his heart beat that became faster. _It hurt._ As much as he wanted to try and deny it, it hurt more than he liked.

The emotions that took over his mind had turned into throbs of pain in his heart. Nagisa knew he couldn't stop this and he _wouldn't_. He'd watch on the sidelines with a smile, _something he was used to_. He felt like he was back to square one, the odd kid with one friend in the entire school.

"Fuck" he cursed, _it wasn't fair._ He fell further down the wall so his knees could press into his chest and his head was hidden among them. _Why was it all becoming complex? Didn't I want him to be distant rather than close?_ His fists punched the ground at those frustrated thoughts.

But it wasn't just Nagisa spying on someone, it was also a classmate that had beaten him up. The classmate realised the distance between Karma and Nagisa giving him an idea. He reported the situation back to Asano, who was more than delighted in his own sick twisted way. A smirk curled onto his lips, viciously he began to rake a plan from his brain that Nagisa wouldn't be able to refuse.

Asano was still _obsessed_ with Nagisa, in all the _wrong_ ways. His love had curdled into adoring Nagisa to be hurt. He wanted to desperately _break_ him, _love_ him and then send him _spiralling down_ again.

* * *

Nagisa spent the rest of the periods as if he was blank, he didn't pay attention to work the work or the teachers. Luckily they were classes without Karma. As the teacher spoke about history, Nagisa sat continuously gazed out the window.

 _Ironic,_ the school blossom tree began reminding him of himself. Everyone paid attention to the tree when it was full of life, displaying different hues of pink and purples. But now, when the season's change and the flowers fall off, it becomes bare. It's like everyone had **forgotten** what they admired and it's **ugly** again. There's _always_ something to **replace** what you were looking at like the sky and hundreds of clouds.

He sighed, his hand resting underneath his chin. _Is that what he was to Karma?_ A bare tree that had lost its colour as if Karma had seen everything and he didn't want it anymore. _Was that it?_ As the day had passed, the pain had become temporary and he found himself numb. Like the colour and spark in his eye was lost.

 _Wasn't this what he wanted?_ To either be _distant_ or _together_? Despite how he felt that _before_ , Nagisa didn't want to be left by himself. He didn't want to be the tree that was forgotten, he wanted the sweetness from Karma that made him feel alive.

He began drawing again, trying to find a way to understand what he couldn't explain. It was another technique his counsellor had mentioned, Nagisa was passionate about art and loved to express himself through it.

So his other hand was doodling in the back of his history book, a mixture of the tree and pretty girls… The more he looked, the more he realised **they were pretty girls he wasn't…**  
 _If I was, would that be what Karma preferred? Would it be easier for my mother if I was?_ Thoughts kept crossing his mind about Karma referring back to his mother, making his brow scowl.

Preferred? _Why the fuck do I care about his preference?_ His gut tumbled over with jealousy, even the drawings made him feel that way. His hand that rested underneath his chin went to scratch his wrists, _in comfort_. It was a habit now to try and calm himself, Nagisa found the pain pulled him out of his anxiety.

Clenching his eyes shut, Nagisa knew what this feeling was and why... He probably knew **all along**. The idea made him realise what those unknown thoughts and feelings were… _Why_ he liked being close to Karma, _why_ he spied, _why_ their cuddles became natural, _why_ the pain was jealousy… It all suddenly made sense.

 **Karma had become a crush of his…**

Nagisa felt irritated again, _it wouldn't work._ _It was just ridiculous, to begin with_. His nails dug more into his pasty flesh, drawing blood. The pain made him shake, he needed _more_ to get rid of these emotions. He bit his lip to disguise how much the anxiety tore over him.

But that one heartfelt image of them cuddling kept bouncing back to his imagination. How natural and caring it was. How **homely** Karma felt. It reminded him of when he first started dating Asano and how perfect it became to him. The image had stopped him from making the cuts worse.

The teacher passed by him at the right time with some homework as he mentioned "Class is finished in ten minutes. If you have any questions about the homework, please say now and we can go through it. Otherwise, you're dismissed early" Nagisa didn't even look at the homework, as he quickly hid his bloody wrist. He forced the work in his bag with all his supplies.

Continuously he grimaced at the thought of liking Karma. His face hidden with his bangs. As frustrated as Nagisa felt, the thoughts were pricking at his eyes, nearly forcing him into tears.

But he was caught by a classmate around his wrist before he had a chance to leave. Nagisa flinched at the pain, as the grasp was rough. More blood would drip down his arm if he wasn't quick... _Someone would see..._ He tried to pull it away from him, desperate to not let the secret out. But unfortunately, this student was probably a part of the rugby team, he was strong.

He gulped, keeping his mouth shut to not let anyone know he was in pain. This boy's presence was _daunting_ on him, it felt like they were the only two in the room. His feet shook in his shoes as he gave up on trying to struggle. It wasn't someone Nagisa knew either, the student seemed older. He had to choke back what he felt, disguising it with a smile. Nagisa tried to look up at the student, but he couldn't see as his vision was still blurry from the tears.

"Asano would like to speak to you on Saturday in the afternoon, nothing serious. So don't threat, he'll text you with more details" The gruff voice responded to him, but the smaller boy could barely respond. He nodded at him in agreement and as soon as the grip was loosened, he left as quickly as he could.

Thankful that the teacher had let them go early because then he could beat Karma back. On the way home, Nagisa tried his hardest to focus on how he'd grab food and stay in his room. The tears began to pool out of his eyes and down his cheeks from frustration. He bit his lip to mask the sobs that tried to wobble out. **It hurt again.**


	15. Awkward Pressure

**Authors Notes:** **Aye, I did it. I dunno how, but hey. Here's an update! I tried my hardest, so pls excuse small mistakes.  
**

 **Awkward tension is bad. Weh. ;w; I don't know who I feel sorrier for Nagisa or Karma, they're both in shitty situations!  
I think I'm angrier at Karma tho, fo not having a clue what that feeling is. *bashes their heads together* Poor babies, and it's gonna get worse. SO much worse.**

 **Be prepared for them bumping into each other next chapter! ;3;**

 **As always, thank you for the support! I appreciate it. I love all the comments and seeing kudos. c:**

* * *

 **Saturday Afternoon:**

Nagisa was quiet as a mouse Friday night and Saturday morning, the only person that echoed in the house was Karma and his loud music. He pretended not to be there by having his headphones in. Nagisa had realised he had habits from liking Karma, he _used to_ listen to the boy sing. Karma had a really nice singing voice. Even if they didn't speak for days, at least he was able to listen to him in the background.

But his decision on Friday night was to pretend until he made it, force the emotions back and learn to cope. He thought by doing those things, the feelings may disappear and he'd forget what he felt for Karma. It was unfair to try and make Karma understand. It was unfair to force it upon him, Nagisa knew and respected Karma's decision to shut his feelings off.  
He barely knew him or his past, _how the hell could he try and understand someone who obviously didn't want you to?_

He stayed in his room until he heard the front door go. Karma was obviously going on that date of his, it made Nagisa sigh. A small grasp of jealous knotted in his heart, he punched his chest in response. That was the last thing he needed today.

He unplugged his headphones to play his own music out loud. He had to get ready for whatever Asano wanted. The bluenette even took the time and effort to look relatively nice. _Maybe_ it was in hope that he wasn't going to get beaten up. _Maybe_ it was to impress someone who used to love him, he, unfortunately, craved human contact regardless of what or who it was. He did try to get in touch with his best friend outside of school hours, but he had his own family problems to deal with. Once again, Nagisa respected that and didn't want to invade his life too much.

He didn't take long to get ready, he chose a baby blue plaid shirt with a black woolly jumper to go on top. It didn't look nice enough outside to wear his usual clothing. A necklace with his birth crystal around his neck, it was the nicest thing his mother had brought him. Baggy dark blue jeans with boots, considering he'd have to plough through the mud on the school field. His winter coat, fur lined and black to protect his fragile body from winter.

He glanced in the mirror, quick to tie his hair up into a rough ponytail. _Different, but nice._ Nagisa thought with a smile, he tapped his cheeks to remind himself not to feel the awkward tension from meeting Asano. Though he didn't want to look for long, he hated the person that watched back, it just reminded him how unloved he could be and why. Quick to pull away, he took himself out the house as quick as Karma did.

Nagisa walked to the field in silence, the icy wind pounding down against his chest as if it would blow him over. It crashed into his ear drums, deafening him. His breath escaped his lips, he was a lot warmer than the wind that pulled the trees to and fro. Leaves and old blossom flowers fluttering past his vision occasionally. It wasn't a nice day, almost like it could rain. _How fitting_ , the bluenette thought. Despite it being the afternoon, it was draining and dark from the clouds that filled the skies.

He was glad he chose warm clothes, otherwise, last night's incident would have been stinging from pain. Trekking his boots through the now sloppy mud on the field, the noise added to the wind that filled his ears. He scowled as his nose wrinkled at the smell, it made him cringe. _Gross, seemed the school was keeping up with maintenance,_ Nagisa thought. Manure had been spread across their field considering it was the weekend. He held his furred lined collar over his mouth keep himself warmer and to ignore the aroma.

The texts he'd received were vague, but he knew Asano would be hidden behind the bins. They weren't exactly stupid, anyone with a brain knew where the school cameras were. The upside of the situation was if it did rain _, it'd ruin Karma's stupid date_ , Nagisa even ended up smiling at that thought. By having thoughts about other things it made him feel less anxious to what Asano wanted.

To him, getting beaten up wasn't such a **bad thing** … _Maybe_ by having his lights punched out, it would make him forget about Karma and the shitty image from the couch. _Mayb_ e it would be just a shitty nightmare and he was still with Asano _if he hadn't changed,_ _maybe_ he wouldn't have been in this mess… His mind made the negative change into something positive, something _healthy_... Crystal blue peered up at the death lingering sky, it reminded him of the hole that was left in his heart.

Nagisa let a deep breath out, his body became drained from the mud. He didn't mind walking, but this was becoming a strain. He was mentally and psychically feeling exhausted from the last few days. Finally, his feet were back on concrete as he turned the last corner. The chill had disappeared as the school building hung over him and the two in the distance. His body shuddered from the sudden change of temperature, feet sticky from the mud. Almost like they would stick to the concrete.

It was his ex-love in the distance who had his jacket hood up from the weather. He could tell by how luminous those lavender hues were from the darkness that shadowed over his face. Since they were sheltered from the brute of wind, it was easier to hear. Nagisa couldn't hear anyone else, seemed like a good thing… _Maybe_ it wouldn't be similar to before. As he drew closer, the two also shortened their distance quickly. With a deep breath, he braced what was going to be said. Eyes kept to the floor until they stood face to face.

Nagisa tried to have a similar stance as Asano's. Asano was full of confidence, his shoulders and back straight to stand tall, eyes expressionless looking down at his. Intimidatingly he watched lavender examine him up and down, pleased with what he saw. Nagisa could tell by the small curl at the ends of his lips. He let go of a breath that he didn't know he held, the tension was _unbearable_. He also tried to look at him similarly, Nagisa noticed the new clothes. He _always_ had new clothes and money to spare.

No doubt his gut instinct was full of nerves, they hadn't seen each other properly in a while. Nagisa even made the effort to avoid him at school, if he could. As the silence drew on his stance became hunched, wishing he could huddle in a ball until it was over. Hands twiddled with his fingernails.

But before he thought any further, the voice that came out of Asano alerted him that they were here for a reason. It sent a sudden jump down his spine and he tore his attention back into those hues.

"So my attention calls me, that you've been lonely. Why don't we take this chance to hang out?" It was like a contract Asano bid. Nagisa **could** run again, but his body couldn't and wouldn't. He decided to not to pay attention to threat, he forced it to the back of his mind. Nothing he wasn't used to. His feet shook in his shoes. Unfortunately, Nagisa wanted this to work, he needed it... He needed _someone else._ So he played dumb to it and made it sound _genuine_. His ponytail bounced as he nodded.

A laugh tumbled out of Asano's lips which broke their tension from earlier when their eyes first met. Lavender closed from him being delighted, his cheekbones lifted from the smile. If it was forced, it would have been creepy. But Nagisa knew **it wasn't** , Asano always hid his real laugh with his mouth sheepishly _. Would it really be for the worse?_

 _Would it really be for the worse?_ He thought, his body relaxed as he remembered what he'd _forgotten_ about Asano. That smile and laugh appeared in all his memories, it made the pain go away... It made the tension of the situation disappear and he ended up smiling back at Asano.

"Splendid, I hoped I didn't have to stay away for much longer… **Or force it.** Let's go into town then, I hate mud. As you know"

It was an endless cycle of codependency that Nagisa was chained into. As much as he knew this was the **wrong thing to do** , he **couldn't** stop it. He used to have Karma to protect him, but now without him, everything could go backwards. Nagisa needed just _one person_ to care, then he'd feel loved and safe. It would replace Karma. Despite this being unhealthy, it was learnt behaviour from his mother.

"Sounds good" He replied, with the same amount of enthusiasm.

* * *

Karma's _'date'_ more like distraction couldn't have gone any better _so far_. They were in an arcade in town, he knew how to impress ladies. He'd occasionally come here alone just to woo a crowd, purely for the laugh. Girls were stupid in that sense, they'd fall for _anything_. Karma could slightly see Manami Okuda in the same way, but _not_. She actually had the brains to go with her personality, they were able to have a decent conversation about their favourite subjects. They had interesting talks about philosophy, science, maths and theories behind their favourite ideas, they actually shared the same books. Karma never thought he'd actually find someone around his age to care about that type of thing. He was forced as a child to read intelligently by his father, but then as he grew older the hobby became a secret.

Karma propped his arms on the dance machine bars so he could lean back. The metal was cool against his heated body. She'd nearly beaten him at dancing, his cheeks were rosy and his chest pounced at the exercise.  
 **Fuck, not cool.** Karma thought. He wiped the sweat from his forehead, as his brow twitched. It annoyed him. By being out of shape, it managed to knock on his confidence. His looks to him were his main charm, he scowled he hated it. He opened the can of coke with a pop, some bubbles escaped before he gulped some back. The fizziness exploded in his mouth, he'd forgotten the way it tanged your teeth from drinking too quickly. He cringed from that feeling, pulling the cold beverage from his lips.

Since he was minding his own business to get his composure back, he'd left her for a moment. He was usually alone in these places, so it was no wonder he didn't realise.  
Until he heard a squeal, a deafening one at that. Karma wiggled the inside of his eardrum. **That was the worse noise to him.** It felt like a headache in the way it echoed in his skull. He tched in response, assuming he probably should go tend to that. Quick to get off the machine, he paced over to the grabby machines, his strides showed his confidence.

Karma was easily able to find her since they were the only two here, due to the weather. But he knew he had to hide the annoyance... He replaced it with a smirk that was a little too forced. He could feel the ends of his lips twitching.  
 _Why did she have to remind him of them?_ Though as much as it annoyed him, Karma soon realised Manami wasn't as confident as she seemed. He could tell through the frustration that took over her, that she hated defeat and it would affect her later. It wavered in her posture which made her seem a little nervous.

 _It reminded him of Nagisa in a way **… Wait, no. Fuck that shit.**_ The redhead cursed to himself, he bit his lip. _No way in hell did he need him in his mind right now, anything but that…_

By being frustrated, another noise rang through his ears, at this rate he felt like he would have a headache. He knew he had to stop it, _it was annoying as fuck._

"I'll be able to, trust me" although she annoyed him to some extent, he continued to lower his voice to get her out of it. No doubt, it worked, _why wouldn't it work?_ It was Karma, the devil. He leant closer, half propped on the machine with his left hand on the glass with his beverage and other around the joystick. He leant onto her slightly and it had her blush.

They were never this close. _Not like this anyway._ The black haired girl wondered if Karma even thought of her that way, he so hard to decipher.

"Are you sure you can do it? I thought they were rigged" She mentioned, her head fell onto his shoulder to watch and be closer. Her voice was a little too quiet as she didn't want to interrupt him. Manami could see Karma's face closer from the reflection in the glass... She realised how _soft_ his look was. It was an intimate change compared to what he usually showed. She expected the usual chuckle or the cheekiness or charms he gave her, but he did none of those things.

Whatever crossed his mind made him _relax_ , his features softened and he actually smiled. She wondered _why or what it was_ , but realistically she couldn't get herself close enough that he'd tell.

The machine, unfortunately, put Nagisa back into Karma's mind, as much as she could be a distraction, this one teddy kept his eye. The teddy was baby blue, extremely fluffy compared to its size. With these huge eyes, pupils filled with hearts.

 _Calm and steady, get the pink one first._ Karma thought, he took deep breaths to calm himself as the claw grabbed hold of the teddy. These games _were_ rigged, but as long as you were calm and knew the secret how to knock the teddy in, _you could win._ The claw tumbled into the plastic that surrounded the exit, forcing the teddy out. The machine made a noise exclaiming how he'd won, but Karma forced more money inside.

His grip became shaky on the joystick, the noise of the fizzy in his hand clicked. At first, it was a _thought_... It then tumbled into an _image_ of **Nagisa** who held the bear and now frantically his imagination had him in sweats. Repeatedly, he missed the exit. The more times he lost, the more the can of coke became crunched and leaky in his grip. The fizz burst down his arm before he threw the empty drink on the floor in frustration. He used both hands, unable to show off or care about the girl who watched. The machine kept moving all the blue teddies closer but never winning them.

The imagery of Nagisa clouded his mind in doubt and no longer was he able to be precise. The pressure on the buttons gradually became rougher from the annoyance that grew in his mind.

"Aw' Karma, it's adorable!" Manami said, excitedly. Her voice boomed in the empty arcade to show grateful she felt. But Karma paid no attention to this, his hand ended up very tense around the joystick. If he held it any tighter, he'd probably come out in blisters. He **couldn't** act calm, he **couldn't** _just_ win again. It was for Nagisa. _It was for that fucker that toyed with his fucking mind._ He tried to bite his lip to hold back and loosen his anger. If he was alone, the machine _may or may_ _not_ have been smashed in by now.

 **Nagisa** was like a chaos bomb that was jammed in his brain and forced him into overdrive or in pain. He could never tell which. The repulsive feeling made him feel like the bomb would go off, but it never did. It never told him what these feelings were. It let in toxins which forced him to feel. He couldn't ever think straight with **Nagisa** in his mind, that's why he wanted to get rid of him. If he couldn't fathom the answer, it made his brain go haywire.

 **Nagisa** was the only one that could and did attack his emotions.

Karma ended up spending a lot more on Nagisa than hers, his hands ended up punching the drop and forward buttons. It left Manami stood there, she felt uneasy. But she never said a word, she couldn't. She had taken a step back as everyone knew this anger from Karma. Everyone knew how scary he could be, but she never let him scare her. She didn't want to be, she barely knew Karma... She knew there must have been something hidden that he didn't want to let go or say.

Regardless, the black haired girl gulped at the pressure that Karma surrounded around the two _,_ almost like that were in a pit of darkness and there was no flashlight to save them _… He was so unpredictable… What should she do?  
_ _There was no way to understand Karma's mind..._

 _She couldn't control this for him, no one could._

Karma let out a sigh of relief as he managed to win one, the roar of the machine bounced from the noisy arcade walls. It filled his mind with the celebration music, the idea of Nagisa being excited from the teddy filled his mind. He didn't turn around yet, he couldn't. Karma watched his reflection, how his breath clouding the glass and how his lip was bloody from the pressure. The uncontrollable shake of anger continued from his toes and into his hands.

He had quickly calm himself. It rationally raced through his mind back to who he was with. Karma quickly deep breathed to let the rush of emotions fade away. _It was now or never, let it fucking go._ He cursed to himself, his fist smashed onto the control panel in front of him to let something out.

"Didn't know you liked teddies so much" The black-haired girl barely managed to speak, luckily she was able to shake the nervous lump in her throat so she didn't sound shaken up. She twirled her plaits with her fingers, nervously. She continued to watch for a few minutes longer before Karma drop down onto the floor to grab the two teddies out of the grabby machine. He turned around, with an instant it was like he was back to normal.

 **It was dangerous…** She knew that now...  
 _No one should be able to just drop it instantly like that…. Not when you were so angry. This is why everyone stays away…_ Manami's stomach knotted at those thoughts. But she continued to smile, her brows wavered. She wasn't used to pretending, she was usually straightforward.

The toy was handed to her, the tension remaining between the two. They both knew it was there, they were both nervous… She watched Karma sheepishly wipe his brow from the sweat that collected. His body stiff to hide the frustration.

"Yeah, why wouldn't I? They're adorable, I thought it'd be nice to have matching ones" Karma tried to grin and add joy to the tone of his voice. _The wrong fucking move, Karma. Wrong fucking move. You've lost your cool._ Karma thought to himself, he quickly snaked his phone out of his pocket to glance at the time. Thankful, they'd only have an hour left together and from this, he knew he wouldn't be asking her out again. _No one needed to know about this, no one should see this. It was disgusting._ His _s_ cowl wasn't disguised, as his mind continued to taunt him. **It was painful.**

"And look at the time, seems we could go look in one mall. I'd like to check and see if one of the new games is out yet if you don't mind?" Karma didn't really want to look at her anymore, he felt ashamed to be seen this way in front of someone. Eyes kept darting to ground. He'd lost _everything_ in front of her, he could barely hold the smirk. Karma's defences felt like they were broken _._ Even though he knew this wasn't a date and knew this was just a distraction, he felt utter disgust at himself. _Why the fuck did he let one boy make him like this? Why did he show it?  
_ _It wasn't going to work, was it?_

 **Not with someone like her.**


	16. Eye-contact

**Authors Notes: Weh, I'm late. This chapter took a lot out of** **me** ; **w; I tried my damn hardest.**

 **But hey, look at these two sad babies.**  
 **They're suffering so much, even without each other they can't seem to have a good time.**  
 **Does that make me mean? I suppose it does.**

 **I think after this chapter, we'll go along with Nagisa's 'date' and Karma may or may not follow.**  
 **Then I'll show how tense their house is. ;w;**

 **Please pass over some thoughts, I'd love to hear them! I hope you're still enjoying this as much as I am. I love you all, thank you for the support!**

* * *

Nagisa and Asano went to the most well-known mall in their hometown, it was the biggest and probably the most popular. It could hold a huge crowd. However they were only window shopping, that's what _thought_ Nagisa were doing. Instead, they were inside the isles of a clothing store. Rarely did he have the money, but it wasn't just that, he had anxiety. The noise was a constant reminder that he was being looked upon and the paranoia terrified him.  
The mall brought up thoughts he'd experienced with his mother, how she used to force him to try on the girly clothes. _He'd come out with a beaming smile of "How does this look, mummy~?" Voice strained from the high pitch._ _Once she adored it_ _and voiced her opinion, he had to return inside the tortuous hole that had millions of lights and_ _mirrors. It highlighted his body_ _to show the different shades of discolouring in his bruises and scars, a reminder that he was never going to be loved._

His imagination made his stomach swirl like a toilet being flushed, clenching it he tried to ignore it. Nagisa's eyes darted at all the clothes, never did he look at anyone. His face scowled at the tortured imagery, and he completely disregarded what Asano said.

Since he was occupied by the images, Nagisa didn't notice where he walked or what he was walked on. His foot had tangled in a pair of tights, it managed to pull his weightless body over. _As if the humiliation couldn't get any worse,_ he thought with a yelp. The shock moved him like a lifeless log, he fell in slow motion. Unable to act quick enough, he was going to end up flat on his face. The thuds of his feet alerted the boy beside him, who continued to talk.

Asano was always quick with his reflexes, recently he'd taken more karate lessons to get better. It was no wonder his body easily lunged towards Nagisa, two steps forward and hands that pulled him against his chest. The two landed back and Asano landed into the clothing stall. The brunt of fall bashed the back of his spine and it knocked a few items of clothing off the stall. Though, it probably hurt he didn't feel it. He was more concerned for the beauty bellow him. Asano didn't say a word, he was almost scared it would break this embrace. **Nagisa** **belonged here...**

Violet hues looked down at who he shielded. Oh, how he missed that warmth that scattered pink across his cheeks and the undeniable shock that Nagisa had from being rescued. His lips curled into a smirk. Nothing was like this, nothing compared to the blue locks that brushed into his chin, and the soft petite hands that grasped around his arms. Everything reminded him of the things he'd missed. This moment was going to be one that would be kept cherished. His hand left one of Nagisa's arms he held, he was going to brush those locks that were messy from the fall.

Unfortunately, it seemed Nagisa didn't think the same as he wriggled from his grasp. His hands left those he adored. A reminder that Nagisa didn't feel the same way. What felt soft is heart became stale from looking into those crystal blue. Though they continued to look away and were awaken from shock, his expression was lifeless and displeased.

"T-thank you" The bluenette muttered, uncontrollably a stutter fell from his lips. It annoyed him... The fact that in a flash anyone could be _that_ close and that it _still_ made him flustered. It was no wonder why his heart was caught by another boy. It was so easy to **manipulate** him, he tched. His hand went up and over his face, trying to disguise his blush by biting his nails. His face scowled again to the frustrated bang to his head, Nagisa was never one to lash out. But if everything continued to go wrong, he knew he'd crack. Asano had no right to see this anymore, _no one did._

Seemed the shock of the fall, did, however, pull him back into his senses and listen. So he was quick to be in front of Asano to avoid any unwanted eye contact. Eyes desperate to find the sign to leave and despite the two having talks all day about various subjects, Nagisa was still nervous and nothing made this situation easier.

"Nagisa," the voice behind him said. Once again the reminder he wasn't alone, he kept forgetting by being so out of it. It happened as soon as they entered the mall, they arrived here at peak times and he didn't forgive Asano for this. Whenever he forgot about him, he _deserved_ it.

"Hmm?" Quick to mumble back, his body jumped from the sudden hand on his shoulder. It caused him to halt but not look back.

Unfortunately, that wasn't what Asano wanted, as he saw the strawberry blonde hair rush in front of him. "If you hadn't realised, you're rather tangled… It'd be best if you either let me help you or you help yourself? This entire day… You've not been you…" Asano exclaimed, he went down to his knees to untangle the boy's feet. A t-shirt had tangled in the tights latching itself onto his thighs and shins. Asano knew from then, Nagisa was out of it. He couldn't clock onto why, but _it meant he could make the most of it…_ He continued to pull the clothes away and he peered up. Violet hues easily noticed how uncomfortable he felt here. He could always tell by Nagisa's body language, his back became hunched, daze concentrated not on their situation and hands fumbled around.

Asano watched Nagisa nod in response, aware not to make too much sound. It was a part of his defences to pretend to be a mouse when he didn't want to be recognised as a person, especially in social places. His hands pulled the last of the tights off, his reflexes realised how shaken Nagisa's legs were. He wasn't sure if that was from **him** or how **this place** made him feel.

"Hey, why don't we go to a noodle bar? There's one not far from here, and it isn't busy like this. I'm sure you'd feel more comfortable there… right?" Asano spoke calmly, knees clicked in place as he got up again to stand in front of the boy. His arms stretched up towards the ceiling, the idea was Nagisa had gotten better. When they were dating they were able to do things like this. But _something_ or _someone_ had made the blue-eyed beauty go backwards. So instead, he took Nagisa's hand from this opportunity, and like his previous thoughts, _he knew it was going to work._ The bluenette's expression was hesitant, mouth open to deny. But Asano knew Nagisa thought it would be quicker this way.

* * *

The other two also found themselves at the same mall. Apart from they were on the top floor in the gaming and music section. Karma eyed up the new end games and the upcoming ones. They both weren't together though, as she looked at music rather than the games. She did try and involve Karma by bringing over CDs. To her surprise, he knew most of them. Karma loved music and video games, video games were to escape and the music was to relate to. His mind was a dark place that no one knew about and he needed the music to understand himself. Music to him, allowed him to see different perspectives of situations without having the need to tell someone. It made him feel better if someone else could relate.

The new upcoming game he desperately wanted was actually out. Golden hues noticed it fast, a smile stretched into a grin, his canines on the show. He grabbed it with both hands in his excitement. His hands nearly shook like a kid in a candy store, with it up and above his face. Since he had played most games, he sang the tune from Zelda when link finds rupees. His heart ecstatic, almost like it would pound out of his chest. He waited too long for this game.

His voice boomed with his enthusiasm "Fucking yes!" At least that was _one thing that went right today!_ His glance tore down at Okuda who wasn't impressed, Karma could see that much. She furrowed her brow and struggled to not say something. _Definitely wasn't going to work, oh how he knew that too much._ When one feels something, it easily bounces and pulls down the atmosphere. Sure it was awkward as hell, but Karma was never one to duel on that. An audible sigh left his lips so he quickly relaxed back to his usual expression. Quickly the redhead went to the counter to pay. However, it seemed the cashier had noticed the Zelda tune from earlier and the two began talking about their favourite games.

Okuda's gut instinct told her to follow behind like a dog with a leash. Hands grasped tight around the teddy against her chest. She was hesitant to say anything as if she was a different person. If she could she'd question _how_ he had the money, or _why_ that game or _what_ games he was into. But she couldn't find herself doing that. The two having conversations at the desk allowed some of her questions to be answered.  
Karma enjoyed most games, he liked both old school and the high-end ones. He didn't have a preference to which, but he preferred roleplaying ones where you choose your own decision. Okuda found it nice to watch him become so animated about something, his voice was loud from how passionate he was about gaming.

Once the two had finished their talks about gaming, Karma had shoved both the game and teddy he'd won in the bag they gave him. He turned back around to look at her, _she was smiling now?_ The redhead just couldn't work her out, at one moment she seemed disinterested and the other she looked like she cared. Usually, he cared about how people functioned, but the scenario with Nagisa made him not care. It caused too much hassle than it was fucking worth.

"You alright to go now?" Karma quickly said, his voice bland. He hid the excitement, he didn't want the enthusiasm for the game to overpower how he wanted to go home. She nodded in response. The redhead was a little thankful that they both lived the opposite ends of town and that she needed to get on a bus. At least then, he didn't need to worry about how she got home. He needed the time to cool his mind by himself before he walked through that dreaded house. It wasn't like he wanted to be there, he just wanted to play games before he met his mother. The house drove him nuts now, he was constantly aware of where Nagisa's feet were.

His pace was usually a lot faster than hers, but he knew he needed to slow down. He'd feel it later if he didn't, his paces became a _'normal'_ walk compared to the people that went past. Okuda was quick to catch up and the two walked side by side. Barely, they scratched small talk as they both knew _the pain of awkwardness far too well._

Karma minded his own business, his glance looked at the faces that went past. A habit he used to have with his smirk, to either gain attention or to pick fights. They both headed with the crowds as they knew they had to go down to the front entrance. Their pace slowed down, as the crowds made it difficult to squeeze past. The lines of traffic weren't coordinated either so they both ended up bashed by the public. Karma could slightly hear her make noises of discomfort from the rush of people, it was going to tear them apart. They felt like sardines squashed in a can from how everyone pushed together.

The redhead probably wouldn't forgive himself if something happened to her. So with manners, his own grabbed Okuda's hand from behind him. Karma kept their distance short so he could batter the people that surrounded them, _like hell_ would they bash past him into her. Elbows kept out to nab a few that were too close.

 _Why do people have to rush like this?_ He thought a tch left his mouth. It annoyed him, the logic made no sense.

They took the escalator down, seeing as they both knew the lift would be crowded. It pushed the two uncomfortably close on one step, as the crowd barely lined in queues. Their shoulders brushed into each other, her smaller frame pressed into Karmas. He never laid eyes on her, there was no need to, and so golden hues glanced at the scramble of people below them.

Okuda appreciated the manners, pink darted across her cheeks. He still made her nervous in that way, she thought every girl would probably feel the same given their situation. She also kept her eyes down, desperate to avoid anyone's gaze. It looked like they were partners and more images kept popping up in her mind which heated her face more.

It was slow, but Karma was quick and careful not to get caught on the people behind them. He pulled both him and Okuda to the side where he knew the crowds wouldn't gather. Karma tried to peer on his tip toes for the best way to get out the building. Head peered around so he could plot a way around these stupid crowds. He managed a way out, letting a rushed family go in front.

Karma took them on their way, until… **Right at that wrong moment.  
** Right at that brief second, he took a glance into a similar set of eyes… That glimpse of the crystal blue he was so used to, he felt dumbfounded. He even had to shake his head in response, Nagisa _never_ left the house. Nagisa _never_ did anything like this, he _hated_ places like this unless he was with someone he knew. His other hand slapped his cheek from reality, and not mistaken... It was him.

It was almost like slow motion as they brushed shoulders, their eye contact not broken. Lips parted as if Karma wanted to say something, as if the words that wanted to be said were sorry, but he didn't have the time… Stomach swirled like it was a sickness, it was going to swallow him whole and he was going to be violently sick from the tension. It engulfed him out of the crowds like they were the only two there. The rest of public had no faces compared to the one he stared into.

But Nagisa's expression didn't say _anything._.. **It was blank**.  
He didn't seem shocked or sad. He was in another world... It was like he was going backwards again...

It wasn't good, nothing of this was good. His eyes quickly darted from the blue into a deadly violet of violence. Almost like they were forcing you to be sick with how sweet he tried to fucking seem…

 **Asano…**

 **Fucking Asano.**

His hand let go of her grasp as the two jolted in the distant, it left him to stare at orange and blue hair… Hands grasped into fists of anger, he shook. Eyes narrowed into daggers, he couldn't tell if it was the pain or the anger. Pity washed over him.

 _Was this his fault?_

But Karma **couldn't** and **didn't** move. His feet froze from being on tip toes at what they were doing, his glance left their hairs and could barely see how their hands grasped in one and another.

He couldn't do a fucking thing. He didn't have the right to.

* * *

Nagisa nearly tumbled in the distance from the pain that tore throughout him. His hand left Asano's as they were hidden outside behind a wall. He needed a **moment** , a moment to himself to register what just happened. Hands shook violently from how Karma had taken the breath his breath away. He could feel his body edging towards a panic attack.

 _Was it the fact they held hands? Was it the fact Karma wanted to move his lips to say a word? Was it the curdled pain that shot in his system?_ Questions that raged made his eyes clench shut. He didn't want to waste tears on him. He didn't want to waste pain on Karma. Nagisa knew he had decided on what he wanted to do... But if this one moment could break him he would never get over it. His hands flung themselves into his cheeks and one punched into his chest.

The pain was like a gun womb that was reopened, and it would make him bleed to death. So much he wanted to think, so many emotions ran high. The tremors in his hands tore his legs to shake like jelly, back tried to steady himself against the wall behind him. But the frustration forced him to stand tall, another fist went into the wall behind him. He couldn't contain this, eyes stung from the need to cry. It frustrated him, the annoyance throbbed in his head. The uncontrollable need to hurt and release it became too much.

His hands continued to bash repetitively into the wall as if he wanted to bleed. **As if this was all his fault.** The clouds from earlier had grown larger, ground damp from where it was beginning to rain. His eyes opened, a glimpse at how they fell and bounced onto the pavement. Reminded him of his own that began to fall like the rain drops. At first, they were slow and then came the bellows, as the rain became heavier. His body felt stiff and weak, never did Nagisa become angry and whenever he did it never lasted long.

 **He didn't want any of this**. He hated the power _love_ had over people, he just wanted to be left alone to rot.

Asano stood aware of how Karma made him feel, he barely got a glance but he knew it was him. No one else made Nagisa seem like this and in his own crooked mind, he needed to get these two apart... It'd be the only way to get what he wanted, no one should make Nagisa be like this apart from him. He didn't deserve it _this way._

Quick Asano paced towards him, his hands held Nagisa's to stop them shaking. Nagisa shouldn't ever hurt himself over that asshole. Even if it was a little forced, he knew he needed to hug him. His expression changed from his usual cold glance to someone who was considerate. His features relaxed, so he could smile. **He had to try**. Nothing was worth it if Nagisa was broken **first.**

Crystal blue looked into his own before he sealed the deal. He pulled from his hands up to his arms to smother him into his chest. His hands gently grasped around the smaller back, before he found himself twirling Nagisa's damp blue locks. He knew how to help, they dated for a while before this. Asano didn't say a word there was no need to, Nagisa's body shuddered into his own. He could tell the cry became worse, his breath as deep as it was, gasped a few times for air. Asano felt how Karma grasped his heart by the way it pounded into his chest, it pissed him off. His teeth clenched into his lip, Karma had no idea what he was fucking missing.

Asano's plan was to break and have Nagisa under his control again, however this time he wanted it to be more painful for Karma. Use and abuse the boy right underneath his nose.


	17. Consumed in Darkness

**Authors Notes: Fuck, I really hope this turned out okay. I've been super duper busy and mental health has been playing up. So I do hope this went well, I've rechecked it several times. If anything major comes up, please let me know. I appreciate it, like always! ;w;**

 **Aaaa, so yeah. Shit is slowly but surely going tits up again, gradually Karma will realise what his emotions are telling him.**  
 **Whereas Nagisa feels too fragile to stop what will be happening. ;w; He's not weak at all, but emotionally he's not stable and Asano will continue to take advantage of him.**  
 **I hope you enjoyed that I put Asano's perspective in here, so you can finally understand what the darkness tells him to do and imagines.**

 **As always, thank you oh so much for your support. I really appreciate your patience! I love you all!**

* * *

Asano had managed to gently calm him to the ramen bar, however, he knew it wasn't all his reasoning. Nagisa protested against getting a dry set of clothes, he seemed terrified about going home. As _dangerous_ as it was, everything _fell into place_. The darkness was now more eager to warp Asano's mind, like the rain that soaked them, his imagination made him vision more and more images. He wanted to invite him to his: keep him safe and warm so he could fall asleep, cook and feed him, make him realise he was more loved by him and then break him piece by piece. But he also knew if he wasn't on his best behaviour, then there'd be no trust. So Asano remained reassuring to coat the desire he felt.

His face grimaced at feeling the rain drip from his fur coated hood onto his face. He kept his gaze on the floor desperate not to get his face wet. The weather clouded the air with a mist, the scent filled his nostrils and raindrops echoed in the alleys that they passed through. In the distance, they could hear multiple people scurry from how their wet feet paced underneath the crying sky. It fell harshly, bouncing and coating the ground with large specs of water. The clouds had darkened the sky making it seem like it was night time. Luckily, Asano's coat took away the bruteness of the weather. Leaving his jeans stuck to his thighs, it was no wonder why he raced them as quick as possible.

"Just around this corner, darling" Came his delightful tone, he _wa_ s caring, but his voice strained from _trying to be too kind._ Asano felt the hand on his own, clenching tighter. It shook with coldness.  
Nagisa who _willingly_ still held his hand made him believe he'd accepted the fate he had in store. If only Asano could feel bad for having a willing subject, he _probably_ would…. But he didn't. It made everything **a lot easier...**

* * *

Whereas Karma didn't stand for long, he actually caught up and followed the two. He tried his hardest to act cool for the last second with Okuda, unfortunately, it wasn't cool to _anyone._ How could he fool anyone with the gut wrenching foul attitude he had for himself. It was guilt that pushed him along in his steps, his body kept a distance from the two.  
 **This entire thing Nagisa had to go through, was all his damn fault...**

Since the incident, the erratic thoughts escalated... Over and over they pooled and told him how much he'd failed Nagisa, how much pain he was going to be in, how much of an idiot he was for letting him go. The guilt became a sword he force-fed himself. His pain boiled over in his stomach and now it pounded throughout his heart, the raging beats made it difficult breath.

Karma had to stop himself to clench onto the wall, it tore his heart bit by bit. He couldn't stand anymore, it had shaken his feet, knees tried to give in. The racing of his heart was like a drum and it continued to blank out the sounds of rain, one of his fists grasped on his shirt. Punching it to try and stop the madness that tried to consume him. His throat felt like it was swelled from the amounts of deep breathing that left his system.

The redhead wasn't dressed for the weather either, his clothes became damper by each second. His death glare became worse, as the salty rain continued to pour into his golden hues. He tried to clench them shut, his other fist bashed into the brick wall from frustration. Crunching his fingers from doing so, it was a vicious act at himself. Like his emotions over and over, his skin started to tear making more of a mess. The force feeding of the sword was him being selfish, succumbing to his emotions.

 _Nothing is fucking working, everything fucking crumbles._ _And it's going to happen again and again. All I wanted to do was protect both us... Protect him from me, protect him for Asano... Why isn't it fucking working..._

The repetitive thoughts hammered on and on, his mind raced for an answer: **Why** he made it this way, **why** he was unsure and terrified **, why** he thought he was helping. But nothing helped. Golden hues tore a look down, at this point he wasn't sure if it was rain or tears that continued to fall in front of him. His vision felt shaken, unable to tell what he was doing. The impact forced his body to shake uncontrollably.

What could he do? _They're gone now..._ His gut instinct told him not to go, not to retaliate. Karma felt defeated, his feet felt like they were stuck in ice to the ground.

* * *

The weather made fifteen minutes seem much longer. Asano's feet felt heavy from the drenching rain, his breath escaped his lips from deep breaths. Considering Nagisa didn't speak, it made matters worse in his head. Ongoing he imagined _the blue-eyed beauty smiling, a 'thank you' left his lips as he enjoyed the day they'd spent together. It was like they were still dating. A_ smile rested on Asano's face, his lips pulled his cheeks higher making him look alive. _This would be worth it,_ the darkness told him. Lavender hues finally glanced up and noticed that they were here. A sign read 'fresh ramen here' on the front of the door.

"Here we are, finally!" The strawberry blonde mused, his head peered behind him. Nagisa looked adorable, even without expressions. There was still pink that darted across his cheeks from being rushed, breath noticeable from pants and his glance focused on his surroundings. Crystal blue hues looked _desperate_ to be dependent. But Asano knew that wasn't the case... If he didn't have a hold of his hand, Nagisa would probably be lost. The urge to reach out and brush the water away from his face was strong. However, he knew he couldn't, sighing Asano continued to pull him into the restaurant.

The owner looked surprised at hearing the bell. But pleased when he realised it was Asano. He knew the kid from his father and quickly he had to find them towels and a change of clothes. Asano looked at the man with a smile, acknowledging the polite nod to leave. He took the small soaked boy further inside. They took a stance beside the fire and Asano turned Nagisa around to take his coat off. It was heavy from soaking in the water, meaning it must have been dripping all over Nagisa's shirt. He frowned, realising he was right. His shirt was nearly see through from how much water splattered over it. The disheartened Asano still had more concern for him than himself.

"Are you cold? You'll feel better soon, I promise" Asano whispered. It was all a part of his plan if Nagisa continued to chug along with it: not going home, this ramen bar, help from the owner, the kindness, he'd give it all to him until he believed him again. He watched his blue locks splatter droplets onto the floor, water pooled mostly from Nagisa. The owner came back out in the nick of time, kindly he had several towels and a change of clothes. It was expected. Asano's family had brought money into this restaurant. His father usually had business meetings here which also pulled the public along. Everyone wanted to dine where famous people did.

"Let me help you first, you look a lot worse than I do. Besides you catching a cold wouldn't help" Again he gently spoke, Asano took all the stuff from the owner placing it on the table, and he'd speak to him afterwards. The owner disappeared again to give the two privacy, it was going to continue to rain for the rest of the day anyway. So he knew he wouldn't have many customers.

Even without a response, the strawberry blonde used the towel to ruffle those dripping locks dry. The towel became soaked with how drenched he must have felt _, like a drowned rat becoming rescued_ , thought the deluded Asano. **Deluded was correct** , images clouded the doubt he would normally have. He thought of Nagisa _blushing at him with a smile._ But the opposite happened, Nagisa remained deadpanned. His head moved with the ruffles, sure he was thankful but he was drained. He couldn't and wouldn't utter a thing, he was ashamed of being weak. Especially in front of Asano. Breakdowns usually had an after effect like this, where he'd become fragile. His mind lashed out at him, belittling every wrong thing he did. If at home, it'd result in him self-harming.

Asano's hands danced through what used to be soft to now greasy and bouncy curls. The hairband had loosed itself from the action and so when his hair was dry, he tied his hair back up. Asano smiled gently at Nagisa opposite him, despite how his glance continued to stray to the floor. He thought it would be for the best to give him privacy for the change of clothes, it would also give him some time to recover. So without a doubt, he walked away to speak to the manager and change himself.

It left Nagisa in the silenced room, but it wasn't silenced at all. There was music that played quietly in the background, a mixture of oriental and chill. Nagisa couldn't hear it though, his bodily functions were the only things he heard: how his teeth bashed against each other from the change of temperature, heart beat pounded like a drum from the tension, his body that constantly shuddered and bursts of raging pain in his legs. Eyes remained torn to the floor and when Asano left, the stomps of feet vibrated his mind, the sound alerted him to look up to where he went. Crystal blue orbs darted around and noticed the dry clothes on the side. Nagisa sighed, his top taken off and thrown to the floor. _Realistically what else did he have to lose?_

He grabbed the other dry towel and rubbed it over his chest. It was uncomfortable, the towel unlike his own was worn. Scratchy, _sure enough, it was a nice_ _gesture_ , but it didn't make him feel any better. His face scowled from the attack against his battle wounds, the bruises became red from not having his cream. His mind cursed at never being organised, but the pain brought him back to his senses and Nagisa gained awareness again. It wasn't awareness that he wanted as the room became unbearably tense. Like how the entire day seemed to be going.

The bluenette tried to make it as quick as possible. **It hurt**. His facial expressions were constantly cringing as he pulled the new dry top over him. It pretty much drowned him, to the top of his knees. It was then he realised the bottoms would be even worse. _A reminder of how scrawny he was_ , a frown fell on his lips.

Nagisa looked down at how drenched his jeans were. He peeled them off as they stuck to his inner thighs, it made him painfully aware of the stings from the seeping through the water. His towel went quickly over his bottom half when he managed to pull them off. Nagisa still contained the paranoia that gripped his mind that _someone would see the harm and think of him as disgusting._ The jeans were thrown to the floor as well and he mopped his legs up. Careful to avoid how sore and raised the cuts were. _Probably should invest in bandages in the future to avoid this_ , Nagisa thought. His face wrinkled and teeth clenched from the pain, a hiss escaped in the process. But once again, he was quick so another pair was back on.

Before Asano returned, Nagisa scooted himself into the corner of the booth. His butt cushioned on the velvet and dry seats. Without wet clothes on, he could feel the blazing fire beside him. It caught his eye in how it continued to burn and ash the wood, the flame danced with different colours of reds and oranges.

Nagisa's ears perked from hearing a louder voice in the background, though.  
"Nagisa, are you done yet?" Asano spoke, he was outside the back entrance door, but he didn't peer around. Fear that he'd walk in on him or he'd startle him.

"Yes, I-I'm done" The other tried to call, but Asano didn't need him to shout. He returned back to the room, also dressed in new clothes with the owner. The owner smiled, he wanted to try his hardest to be welcoming. It was a family run business, so he treated the customers the same. The two followed suit and as Nagisa realised before the owner _was_ nice. He took the towels and his clothes back to the tumble dryer.

This actually gave the not so zoned out blue-eyed boy, a chance to admire the place they sat in. Crystal blue orbs glanced around at how nicely it was decorated. Light lanterns decorated the ceiling, frames hung on the walls displaying Japanese art which he could appreciate, the serving desk was at the back opposite the front door with fryers and cooking equipment behind the owner, a dining bar in front of him, incense and smoke lightly coated the room to give it an atmosphere, it smelt newly lit from how strong the vanilla dusted the air. A mixture of chairs and floor seating around the tables. It seemed Asano had grabbed them the best place to sit, they were in a window booth, with the fireplace beside them. Oriental screening separated the booths decorated with black leaves, everything was coordinated perfectly with different blacks and browns. The wallpaper had blossom trees over it and the floor was covered in laminated bamboo wood. It was small, but welcoming at least. He could tell a lot of care went into this restaurant.

It was then Nagisa realised he must have seemed rude or obnoxious to not say anything to the owner, and as much as he felt switched off, it was common decency.

"Thank y-you" He shouted, in hope the owner would hear. Thankfully, he did and his head popped around the back entrance, with a smile. It made his heart flutter in response and he ended up smiling in return.

Since the bluenette had become aware of his surroundings, he noticed Asano beside him who peered at the menu. Easily lavender hues had noticed the change, it was like the damaged boy had gained sight again. So he watched Nagisa give a sheepishly curious look like he was hungry.

"Whatever you want, it's on me" Asano spoke with a smile on his face, once again images invaded his mind when he watched Nagisa's mouth open to disobey, he _imagined shutting them up with a forceful kiss. If he didn't like what he heard, he would make the boy say what he wanted to hear. Inserting the dominance into any situation._

Whatever Nagisa spoke it fell on deaf ears, Asano was more concerned about his imagination. If it wasn't for the knock of Nagisa's feet onto the chair beside him in how he fidgeted from nerves, he would have been trapped by his imagination.

"Don't be like that, it's fine" Asano tried to shush him, he was going to win any protest.

* * *

After their small debate about Asano paying, the two did order food, nothing like food to make you feel better. As Nagisa did feel better afterwards, his mind taunted him in _hoping this day would last forever._ Even though at times he stuttered, at times he flinched when Asano got too close, at least he didn't have to deal with the conflict at home.

Nagisa even ended up having green tea ice-cream, which had Asano crack up, questioning why he'd eat it in this weather. They both ended up having a joke over it, laughing about how sweet his sweet tooth was. It brought up memories they had together: one time Nagisa spent all his pocket money at the sweet shop and then he ended up eating it all on the same day, another time was spent on a beach and Nagisa had a large peanut butter sundae to himself, another time was spent at Asano's house and how they used to eat sweets and watch movies together. So many memories replayed in both their hearts and they continued to speak about it like it was yesterday.

Unfortunately, the strawberry blonde took it too far by saying "You don't need anymore, like I said before you're sweet enough how it is" It nearly caught Nagisa off guard, his defences were brought up and he fumbled an excuse to get out of a compliment. Despite the memories being sweet, he didn't want to believe Asano still loved him. _That was too much._

They ended up staying there for another two hours, waiting within the warmth. _Seemed there was no luck in changing the weather…_ Nagisa thought, crystal blue hues were now gazing out the window, he watched the sky belt out the rain, heavy specs that seemed to get larger by each second. The sound of pouring rain filled his ears, it was one of his relaxing sounds. So soon enough, Nagisa felt himself drift into his imagination.

A gentle push went into his side, it nearly startled the bluenette from drifting out of reality. It forced him to acknowledge the strawberry blonde again. It wasn't like Nagisa could read him even if he tried, but still, his glance tore into lavender hues. Asano's hand was rested underneath his chin, a furrow had taken his eyes brows with it. But the lavender he continued to be sucked into, spoke nothing.

"I have an idea, let's grab a taxi, it's up to where you get dropped off. But feel free to stay over, my parents are away on holiday, so no one's home"


End file.
